CONCLUSIONS

So there you have it—everything we know about relationships in stark, cold black and white. It's not perfect. Our advice isn't gonna solve all your problems. Your situation will probably be different. And your mileage may vary. But for the most part, you can now go into relationships with more knowledge than your Dad had when he settled for your mom, so you've got a head start right there.

We hope we've provided the kind of info the other books on relationships never talk about. We hope this info has debunked many of the myths about human coupling. Myths are no basis for a successful long-term relationship. Only truth is. And, while we're not saying that this is the only truth, it's a lot closer than most of the shit people have shoveled into your head to this point.

To sum up: Don't marry the first woman who lets you screw her, and don't believe every word out of her mouth no matter how sincerely she says it. Most chicks are fucked. End of story. There's nothing you can do about it, so get used to it (they think guys are fucked, too). Learn to deal.

Women are trouble, but they have their good points, like letting you sleep with them (and there aren't many bigger favors that a girl can do). If you find a good one, protect her from all the assholes out there, but don't get some crazy idea that “she completes you” or else you need to start wearing dresses. It's the law.

Appreciate a good woman, but treat her like an equal, not a fantasy. Or a goddess. Treat her as you want her to treat you. If she's special, let her know it. If she doesn't reciprocate, dump her back in the dating pool. Then go out and get the kind of woman you really want (and, frankly, don't deserve). Of course, what else are you gonna do? Fuck guys? Nice menu, huh? Good luck.