IS SHE TOO MUCH WORK?

Emotional Vampires : Dealing With People Who Drain You Dry.

How do you know you're settling? For one thing, you're working too damn hard to keep your girl happy. You shouldn't have to completely change your personality, and how you act, for anyone. You need total, non-judgmental acceptance from the girl. Without it, you're settling for a future Bitch of the Century candidate.

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Yet it's understandable to think you are not settling. Thanks to “hope.” Again, Hollywood's “happy ending” delusion makes people think a bad relationship will eventually get better-all they have to do is work at it. The reality is; bad relationships just get worse.

Breaking Free : A Recovery Handbook for Facing Codependence.

In a non-settling relationship, the only “work” you should ever have to do is stuff you'd expect from a roommate. Making the same small compromises any decent person would make living in the same house with another person, picking up after yourself, helping keep the place clean, trading off chores, helping them hide from bill collectors.

When happy couples say you have to “work” at a relationship, they're sorta being misleading. After all, you don't know what constitutes their idea of “work”. How much “work” should saving a relationship take? How much is too much? Or not enough? It's all relative to your past relationships. One person's idea of a lot of work may be another's version of a walk in the park. It all depends on what you're used to.

I'm Not in the Mood: What Every Woman Should Know About Improving Her Libido.

Every relationship involves conflict that requires some effort to get through. But, you need a partner; someone who's on your side regardless; someone to commiserate with, who understands, cares and, more important, will stand by you through the trial believing you really didn't kill the hooker they found in your car trunk.

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But, if you find yourself constantly biting your lip to avoid disagreements; or find yourself back-peddling and apologizing a lot; or have to beg to get sex; or can't tell her how you really feel; or feel like you're always walking on glass, then you should just keep on walking out the door. You two are not compatible, and you should end a relationship. “Working at it” won't make either one of you happy for long. Sooner or later, one of you will get tired of it all, and the serious fighting will start.