CELEBRITIES CAN WRITE? (I DIDN'T KNOW THEY COULD EVEN READ.)

It seems that anyone who's anyone these days is writing a dating advice book. And why shouldn't they? Everyone knows no one knows more about successful relationships than celebrities, right?

So for starters, Felicity Huffman has her new book, "A Practical Handbook for the Boyfriend: For Every Guy Who Wants to Be One/For Every Girl Who Wants to Build One."

Now to be fair, I haven't read this book, but just from the title I know it's gonna suck. (Who doesn't want to read reverse-sexist claptrap from a woman stupid enough to marry an actor?)

Likewise, aging harlot and star of that cinema classic "Big Trouble in Little China," Kim Cattrall, capitalized on her Sex and The City whorishness a while back with the book, "Satisfaction, the Art of the Female Orgasm." She's listed as "co-author" along with her husband, Mark Levinson, and someone named Fritz Drury who apparently just watched and typed.

Kim then somehow found the time between Botox appointments to pop out the disappointingly nudity-free, coffee-table paperweight named "Kim Cattrall Sexual Intelligence."

Finally—as if to socially redeem herself for helping spawn an entire generation of slutty, young girls (thanks, Kim!)—Mrs. Levinson shat out "Being a Girl: Navigating the Ups and Downs of Teen Life." (Hey, Kim, didn't you mean: Navigating the Ins and Outs...?)

More pathetically, the attention-whore from ABC's Bachelorette 3, Jen Schefft, is trying to get her 16th minute of fame with a rehashing of her desperate and lonely dating life, entitled "Better Single Than Sorry: A no-regrets guide to loving yourself and never settling." No doubt she'll follow it up with "Still Single and Extremely Sorry: A bitch's guide to vibrators and Häagen-Dazs®."

Mmmm, regretalicious.