Submitted by Cupids Arrow on Mon, 05/16/2005 - 12:53pm.
Love is one of those things that make us very forgiving. It also leads to an interpretation of actions in the most positive light.
This guy has walked all over you, and the problem is you've accepted it. You're used to accepting it. And this is another example of him walking all over you, and your reaction is...well...to just accept it. And just like you've forgiven him every other time for every stupid little thing he did, you're repeating this, at least emotionally and mentally, once again.
Unfortunately, he is probably aware of this, so if he doesn't manage to find someone soon, he'll probably show up on your door, make some sort of act of contrition (like take you out for dinner) to show that he's changed, work his way back into your good graces (which, considering your somewhat forgiving nature shouldn't be too hard), and then play the field on the side...assuming he hasn't already.
Why in the hell would you put up with that?
Better question...what would you tell a friend in the same position? If one of your friends was being used by someone, would you stand back and watch it happen, or would you try to open your eyes? Because SL, you're being used. And harshly.
If you still care about and miss him, then you need to examine why. Why would you miss this sort of behavior? What is it about you that makes you scared to look beyond this? Are you afraid that you'll never find someone else? Have you defined your self-worth with his presence?
What I think you need to do is to take time to yourself. Immerse yourself in a social hobby, like a local sports team, a crafts workshop, or even volunteer somewhere. Not only will these experiences boost your self esteem, but they give you the opportunity to meet other people, and odds are, when you're ready, you can pick and choose from among them someone who is your equal and will treat you like one.
But for now, take time to yourself, look to yourself, and develop your self esteem into a positive yet realistic self-appraisal. I get the feeling that you don't really love yourself (and really, why would you put up with tihs crap if you did...as charity pointed out, this seems more like a mother/son relationship than one of equals), then how can you love anyone else?
Find yourself. Love yourself. Then love someone else.
Love is one of those things that make us very forgiving. It also leads to an interpretation of actions in the most positive light.
This guy has walked all over you, and the problem is you've accepted it. You're used to accepting it. And this is another example of him walking all over you, and your reaction is...well...to just accept it. And just like you've forgiven him every other time for every stupid little thing he did, you're repeating this, at least emotionally and mentally, once again.
Unfortunately, he is probably aware of this, so if he doesn't manage to find someone soon, he'll probably show up on your door, make some sort of act of contrition (like take you out for dinner) to show that he's changed, work his way back into your good graces (which, considering your somewhat forgiving nature shouldn't be too hard), and then play the field on the side...assuming he hasn't already.
Why in the hell would you put up with that?
Better question...what would you tell a friend in the same position? If one of your friends was being used by someone, would you stand back and watch it happen, or would you try to open your eyes? Because SL, you're being used. And harshly.
If you still care about and miss him, then you need to examine why. Why would you miss this sort of behavior? What is it about you that makes you scared to look beyond this? Are you afraid that you'll never find someone else? Have you defined your self-worth with his presence?
What I think you need to do is to take time to yourself. Immerse yourself in a social hobby, like a local sports team, a crafts workshop, or even volunteer somewhere. Not only will these experiences boost your self esteem, but they give you the opportunity to meet other people, and odds are, when you're ready, you can pick and choose from among them someone who is your equal and will treat you like one.
But for now, take time to yourself, look to yourself, and develop your self esteem into a positive yet realistic self-appraisal. I get the feeling that you don't really love yourself (and really, why would you put up with tihs crap if you did...as charity pointed out, this seems more like a mother/son relationship than one of equals), then how can you love anyone else?
Find yourself. Love yourself. Then love someone else.
CA