about-chicks

Hey, chicks dig guys who can read. So start by clicking a chapter (in the upper left-hand corner), or read all the pages in order by using the links at the bottom of each page.

Like this one:

The Hazards of Being Male: the Myth of Masculine Privilege

Physical beauty's first, and most important benefit, is attracting men. And smokin' hot bitches attract men the way hemophiliacs attract vampires. In fact, the only thing men like better than sex with a woman, is sex with a beautiful woman.

Of course, this begs the question, Why does it matter to a man if a woman's beautiful?

The short answer is procreation.

Since the earliest times, men have valued beauty as the only reliable barometer of health, vigor and untainted female DNA. Prior to the Age of Cosmetic Surgery, beauty had an actual purpose. It let men identify “the fittest” breeding partners (albeit subconsciously) who would ensure the continuation of his genes. (Not that men weren't hedging their bets with every average-looking female, as well...)

But as mankind evolved and formed civilizations, the benefit of "nailing a hottie" became less about survival and more about social status. Today, thanks to the visually oriented mass mediums of TV, movies and magazines, men and women are fucking obsessed with beauty.

So much so that women can make a living simply by exhibiting their hotness: Models, centerfolds and music video-'Hos all live like Queens based on nothing more than a high pointy-nose-to-breast-size ratio.

The Myth of Male Power: The weakness of men is the facade of strength: the strength of women is the facade of weakness.

Man's innate, instinctual—and involuntary—attraction to beautiful women has now become a serious liability for them; a double-edged sword.

Historically, a woman's beauty provided only an advantage over other, less pretty women. But at some point during man's evolution, it all turned around. Now, a woman's beauty gives her an advantage over men, too.

Hey, it's only cheating if your spouse finds out.

Since men value beauty, a woman instantly gains influence over men who find her beautiful. She can get them to do whatever she wants, including buying her houses, cars, and eventually, separate vacations.

Unlike boys, girls are socially dissuaded from asking for what they want directly, for some reason. As a result, girls grow up learning alternative approaches. Like mentioning a sore neck to get a neck massage. Or pointing out jewelry they like in magazines for no apparent reason. Or casually commenting how great it would be if you accidentally ran over their husband with your Pool Cleaning van.

By the time they're grown women, plotting and scheming are normal, everyday activities (like gabbing incessantly). It's so second nature to them, women don't even realize they're doing it. And neither do most men (which is why those men never see the Love Train coming before it runs them down).

There are women out there who are willing to do anything necessary to get a man to like them. They'll even put off their own happiness, doing whatever the man wants to do. Why? Because later, after the man falls for her, she can ask—hell, demand—that she gets hers.

That's why women place such a high priority on being beautiful. It has a lot of tangible benefits. Appealing to a man's hormones makes snagging him easier than appealing to a his intellect or emotions. (Why would a woman work harder than she has to?) After all, men's hormones are the shortest distance between single and shacking up. And the reason this archaic, unethical approach is still used by today's “progressive” and “enlightened” women is that, frankly, it still fucking works.

The Rantings of a Single Male: Losing Patience with Feminism, Political Correctness... and Basically Everything

Fortunately, most women don't believe they even have this power. They know men seem to want sex all the time (men aren't exactly subtle about it) yet they oddly refuse to believe that men really want it that badly.

It's almost like they don't want to believe that men really think with their dicks. “Surely, men can't be THAT simple-minded and easily manipulated,” they tell themselves. And, like so many of the other things they think, they are wrong.

The smart chicks are the ones who've figured out that men ARE that simple-minded and ARE that easily manipulated. You can spot them a mile away-they're the women driving expensive cars, living in mansions and racking up credit card bills they won't ever have to pay.

Men and Marriage: Better understand the modern controversy over men's roles in society

Simply having kids isn't enough for most women. After all, kids are a lot of work. They cost a lot of money to raise. And they need a roof over their heads while the child grows. Now, any modern woman will insist that she is fully capable of providing all that for her offspring alone without the help of a man. And many probably could.

But doing it all is really hard work (nothing kills the excitement of pumping out a child like having to go to work the next day). Luckily, women have an out. It's called a husband. And finding one is as easy as "forgetting" to take her birth control pill.

You see, getting married is a right of passage for women (much like getting drunk in Vegas and waking up next to a dead hooker is for men). Women dream about “the big day” from their earliest childhood. They plan everything down to the China pattern on the dishes. And the thought of it makes them crazier and crazier as they get older until they can't stand waiting anymore and marry the next guy that doesn't make them vomit.

The way Hollywood shovels it, women get married for love. But that's not entirely true. Often, women will get married for ridiculous reasons, such as wanting to wear the big, white puffy dress they saw in a store when they were six. Or because they want a huge party where they're the center of attention.

Yet why are women so cavalier about this enormously life-changing event? Why do they seemingly marry the first sap who asks? Because getting married for the hell of it, surprisingly, isn't really a bad deal for women.

Women want everything they can get, and marriage is the shortcut to getting it all. Look at the incentives for a woman to get hitched:

• 1.) She gets a free house.
• 2.) She gets a free car.
• 3.) She gets to have kids (her primary function).
• 4.) She gets to stay home and watch soap operas.
• 5.) She gets to quit her job (forever, if she works it right).
• 6.) And when she's tired of you, she gets to divorce you and take half of your shit.

Happy Housewives Darla Shine asks housewives: What have you got to complain about?

Now consider everything a woman has to give up when she gets married:

• 1.) Having to look attractive.
• 2.) Being nice to guys (including you).
• 3.) Putting out to guys (especially you).
• 4.) Paying off her credit card debt (that's your job now).

Can YOU spot the only downside? That's right: She has to let you fuck her. But, if she can fake a headache, she doesn't even have to do that. What can we say? In most states, if you marry a girl in a whirlwind of romance and Long Island Ice Teas, you can lose half your stuff to your new bride and a competent divorce lawyer. Yeah. How's that for a consolation prize? Hey, thanks for playing. Better luck next time, sucker.

What Men Know That Women Don't: How to Love Women Without Losing Your Soul

There's an old adage that says, Women give sex to get love, whereas men give love to get sex. And, for the most part, that's true. Obviously, it's a bad deal for women since men can fake love pretty easily.

More often than not, this sex-for-love approach proves disastrous for women: Boy tells girl he loves her, boy gets sex, then boy tells girl to hit the road.

Yet, literally centuries later, despite mountains of evidence and experience to the contrary, there are still women who insist on using that approach (which is probably why teen pregnancies are on the rise and successful relationships are harder to find than Amelia Earhart).

Against all reason, women consider these emotionally driven decisions to be reasonable ones. ("Putting your hand into a blender is okay as long as you do it for love!"). They're endlessly willing to gamble on lottery-style odds over past experience, falling in love with men regardless of whether the relationship is workable or not (“He's just misunderstood! I can make him stop serial killing...”). It's endearing, if not entirely sane.

Why Women Want What They Can't Have: Why So Many Relationships Fail.

Most guys, by contrast, realize early on that, when it comes to life-altering decisions, their brain (or what passes for it anyway) is best suited to making this call. When men let other body parts do the thinking, they end up in some ugly girl's bed trying to exit without waking her up.

More often than not, men go into a relationship pragmatically, deciding whether or not they can live with a girl, before getting emotionally attached. That way they get to really know a girl before they fall in love.

Men need to view love more seriously than women do because they have so much more to lose—least of which is the freedom to have sex with other women. Once they commit to a relationship, men are more fully invested, emotionally.

Women, on the other hand, get to "fall in love" impulsively. For women, love is a casual lark. A cheap thrill. Like riding a roller coaster. Or shoplifting. Then, if the relationship goes South on them, they can cry a lot and get lots of sympathy—in other words, attention—mission accomplished!

It's like a game. A stupid, fucked up game.

So don't get suckered into making a life-commitment just because a woman says she loves you. Remember, it's a “woman's prerogative” to change her mind. And if you ever forget that, you're totally screwed.

Once you stop trying to figure out what women are thinking, the closer you are to having a healthy, lasting relationship with a female (or turning unabashedly gay).

Dual Attraction: Understanding Bisexuality Just how horny are you?

Strangely, accepting that you'll never figure out how any woman thinks doesn't invalidate the rest of the information you're about to read. There are still plenty of universal female behaviors and thought processes that are good to know.

When dealing with women—much like dealing with pets—you can't know exactly what's going on inside their heads. However, if you observe them closely, you can begin to notice nuances of body language and gestures that will help you gain insight into their inner workings.

Unfortunately, you can't just lock women in a travel carrier when they get on your nerves. So let's start looking at how women appear to think (or don't think) about falling in love.