HOW TO FUCK RIGHT, AKA THE SEX TRICK®

Ultimate Sex: By the editor of Penthouse Forum

The issue then becomes, how do you increase the likelihood of your woman's orgasm? By using the Sex Trick^®.

We'll assume, for the moment, that you have access to a willing female partner. That you aren't having problems “raising your mast” (so to speak). And that you don't look like Quasimodo after losing a knife-fight. Assuming that's all true; we can say you have the necessary components to potentially make a woman orgasm. What you lack, is The Knowledge.

With all the distractions a woman has to deal with, there's an argument to be made for just saying “fuck it” and ignoring her needs altogether. But with hardly any more effort than you would use to get yourself off, you can give your lady a good chance at an orgasm, too. We call it, The Sex Trick^® (Patent pending).

Having sex with women is like playing a pinball machine: when you get good really at it, you get to play again. But, you say you're a five-minute man? Can't stay in the game past the first inning? Well, friend, this is your lucky day. Because on this very page, you will find the secret to pleasing any woman with a willing vagina and a pulse. All without studying for years under a Tibetan guru, or buddying up to Martin Sheen. Are we over-promising? Maybe. But can you afford not to find out? Didn't think so.

Sex: A Man's Guide Expert advice on more than 130 topics.

Most men are like a light-switch when it comes to sex—they're easily turned on. (Get it? Light-switch? Turned on? Never mind...) Women, on the other hand, warm up to the idea of sex a little slower—who are we kidding? Glaciers move faster. This “arousal discrepancy” is why women constantly bitch that men are selfish in bed, when, in fact, men are just...expedient. Fortunately, there are work-arounds to, um...work around...this discrepancy. The traditional approach has been for men to “go downtown” (i.e. muff dive) and orally stimulate a woman's clitoris before getting down to business (i.e. humping). But, what if you prefer to keep it above the waist for some reason—like, say she's a hooker with a cold sore—then you need The Sex Trick®.

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The Sex Trick^® is simple and can be performed with any size tool-probably even one you have lying around inside your pants. No need to buy expensive machinery, extenders or drugs. The Sex Trick® is organic, natural and OTC—although it can be habit-forming. Here's how it works:

STEP#1 - Kiss her. That's right, make out. Nothing greases up a woman's sugar walls like kissing. Yeah, weird, huh? No, it's common sense, and yet you'd be surprised how many guys fuck up this critical step. After you spend some quality time swapping spit (to determine how long, use your best judgment, then double it), you can move on. Don't skip ahead or you'll just have to start over. With another girl.

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STEP#2 - Get her clothes off. This normally involves a lot of awkward groping, fumbling and pulled hair. Don't worry and press onward. (You could also spill a drink on her, turn up the thermostat, or just beg her. Go with whatever works for you; sometimes that's letting her do it herself.) Once you're both naked, you need to really focus. The next step is the key, and where most men screw up. So pay attention!

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Ease your penis inside the woman's now-lubed vagina (if it's dry, go back and repeat Step#1 before proceeding further or you will chafe the shit out of your dick). Gently push slowly in as far as you can go and—this is the important part—STOP! Do NOT pull out. Even once. Even an inch. Stay in right where you are. Why? Because if you pull out, even once, it's all over.

Hey, pulling out is the natural reaction to pushing in. But you MUST resist it. Otherwise, you'll want to push in again and, in no time, you'll be soundly snoring and she'll be pissed off and wondering what she ever saw in you. So don't pull out unless aliens attack. (Don't worry about losing your erection. There will be enough sensation to keep your love missile cleared for liftoff.)

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STEP#3 - While you're in there, pressed pelvis-to-pelvis, position that little flat, firm area immediately above the base of your penis (your pelvis bone) so that it GENTLY rubs the top of her vagina (where her clitoris is cleverly hidden, for your information). Without withdrawing at all, use your hips to SOFTLY rub that flat area around on her clitoral area. It is not easy, in fact, it is actually kind of awkward, but that's good. The point ISN'T to maintain constant force (you're actually pushing her own skin into the clit for indirect stimulation).Work it in, up and all around, don't keep rubbing the same area in the same direction. Vary your speed and pressure. Keep doing that while you're still inside. Do NOT pull out.

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All this hip gyration is tiring work, so be sure to pace yourself. Don't waste all your energy at this stage (you may be there awhile). Do it until you feel her vaginal muscles tightening on your penis and maybe her back-arching slightly. Those are signs that she's probably gonna come soon. (We mention this as you may not be familiar with these responses...) There may be some moaning and intermittent cries of “Yes! God, yes!” too, but those can be easily faked, so they're not a good indicator.

Ultimate Sex: By the editor of Penthouse Forum

STEP#4 - Once you get to the point where things start getting crazy (on her part), you can finally begin thrusting. Forestalling the old in-and-out action lets you stay harder than an algebra exam while she gets worked up to ramming speed. Then you can start pounding away like a jackhammer, and you'll both orgasm simultaneously. Or thereabouts.

Yes, with The Sex Trick^® at your command, she'll think you're a sex-God and you'll get off without any unnecessary extra effort (the way men like it). Go forth and spread the fucking joy.