WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM

Before you rush right out to put The Sex Trick® into practice, wait a minute. Remember, sex is all about fundamentals. So let's not get ahead of ourselves, okay?

Now, every guy knows he should wear a condom when exploring new bushy frontiers. The initial downsides of not wearing a rubber—lessened sensitivity and awkward fumbling—far outweigh the resulting downsides, namely: AIDS, Chlamydia, Crabs, Genital Warts, Gonorrhea, Hepatitis, Herpes, HIV, Molluscum Contagiosum, Nongonococcal Urethritis (NGU), Scabies, Syphilis and premature fatherhood.

Sex and the Perfect Lover: Tao, Tantra, and the Kama Sutra

Still, some guys complain that condoms lessen the sensitivity of the fucking a bit. And that's true to a degree (certain condoms are more sensitive than others, so be sure to try different types and brands). Generally, the only guys who have problems with condoms are guys who have had sex without them. (If you're a virgin and just getting started, you won't notice any lessened sensitivity using a condom because you'll be too stoked about the fact that you're getting laid at all. So don't leave your pants without one.)

Guys think they need lots of physical stimulation to orgasm, but's that's bullshit. Need proof? Ever wake up alone in bed all sticky in the shorts? That, friend, is a wet dream and it happens to every guy at one point or another. But, you didn't wake up with your hand down your shorts, did you? So how were you able to orgasm without so much as a single stroke? Easy. You were excited enough mentally for your brain to activate your spooge function. Well done, grasshopper. (If you were REALLY good, you could orgasm while you were wide awake, but then you'd be writing this book.)

The Case of the Female Orgasm: Bias in the Science of Evolution

Guys think sex is all in their John Thomas, but sex is really all in your head. The physical humping is just whipped cream on the cake. You can get an erection without being excited (see, Morning Wood), but you can't orgasm if your brain isn't into it. Condoms don't kill your sensitivity unless you think they will. So to avoid problems altogether, use condoms right from the first fuck.

HOLLYWOOD HITS AND “MATURE” MOVIES (wink, wink). Mailed discreetly with no late fees.
intelliflix.com

The real “problem” with condoms is that putting one on can easily kill the mood and, in the process, your boner. But don't panic. Every guy loses his erection when he puts on a condom. You can't really help it. You lose focus and start thinking, “Can I get the condom out of my wallet and onto my dick before my schlong goes soft?” Thinking is an erection's worst enemy, so focus on the important things-her boobs.

To avoid this awkward transitional moment, ask your partner to rub your dick (or just guide her hand down there and show her what to do-if she's been around, she'll already know what to do). That will keep you hard while you're tearing the package open like a rabid wolverine and unrolling it over your love muscle (not too tight, gotta leave room for the spurt...) Make it past that point and you're usually good to go.