DON'T TAKE A BREAKUP PERSONALLY

Don't Take It Personally: The Art of Dealing With Rejection.

Now, before you channel your hurt feelings into a blind rage and head for a clock tower with a sniper rifle, take a breath and count to ten. It's easy to take getting dumped personally—after all, it did happen to you—but, not everything is all about you, Mr. Egocentric. In this case, everything was all about her.

She broke up with you because she just didn't want to settle for a relationship that was less than perfect. Can't really fault her for that, after all, that's what you should be searching for, too. It's better to find out sooner rather than later.

But before you take her judgment of you to heart, first consider the source. In this case, the criticism is coming from someone who doesn't like you, so it's like asking a cat its opinion of a dog—“he's loud, messy and shits everywhere”—why even bother?

The Game of Life and How to Play It Life is not a battle but a game.

The irony is that, by trashing you, she's really just admitting that she's a shitty judge of character who's easily fooled by “ass-faced losers,” (or whatever she's been calling you behind your back). And that doesn't make her look too bright.

Find girls to fuck who live near you.

Just don't think that because the girl you love thinks you're a loser it necessarily makes you one; it doesn't (playing Dungeons & Dragons past the age of fifteen, however, does). Remember, if you really were a loser, she wouldn't have gone out with you in the first place.

Still, when a chick shits on you (assuming you didn't pay for the privilege, see Different Kinds Of Sex), she's not rejecting you personally. She's not saying, “You suck as a human being.” She's simply rejecting the “fit” you two had together; the rapport between you; the mutual simpatico that she thought existed with you, when it really didn't.

She's admitting that she was wrong when she said she loved you. In a nutshell, she changed her fucking mind. Women get to do that (see How Women Fall In Love). And yeah, it's total bullshit.

But being mad because you miss your Ex is like crying over missing an airplane headed somewhere you didn't even want to go. You wouldn't get mad at the pilot, would you? Of course not. That would make you bat-shit crazy. Well, this is kinda the same idea.

Hollywood hits and “mature” movies (wink, wink), mailed discreetly

Essentially, you just got on the wrong airplane. It's an easy mistake. Happens all the time. Anyone could do it. Does that make you a bad passenger? Not at all. Getting drunk and calling the flight attendant a “goddamn flying prostitute” does (don't ask us how we know).