REASONS NOT TO GET MARRIED - BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO.

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Just because a woman tells you that she loves you and wants to get married is no reason to rush into a long-term relationship. Fuck that shit. This isn't her life, it's yours. You have to live with the consequences of your actions (all she just has to live with is half of your stuff that she got in the divorce). Don't be in a hurry; there's no need for a guy to panic or rush to get married.

After all, what difference would it have made if Prince Charming had waited a few more years before showing up to make-out with Sleeping Beauty? Not damn much. Ditto, that other Prince could've let Cinderella mop a few more floors before up and marrying her. And Romeo should've waited until he was certain Juliet was dead before he offed himself like a chump. None of these relationships would've been hurt by waiting (and, in Romeo's case, it would've made the relationship last a whole lot longer).

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As a male, there's no need to act rashly, you have more time than you can imagine. Just as Nature gives men easy orgasms, it gives the male the advantage when it comes to time, too. There's no ticking fertility time-bomb strapped to your ball-sack; in fact, sperm remains active well into your old age. Plus, aside from beer guts, hair loss and heart attacks, guys generally become more attractive as they age—wealthier and more distinguished—whereas women get uglier and more saggy. It's cruel and unfair but, hey, you didn't make the rules. So take advantage of them and wait until you're good and ready.

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Besides, you don't even even know whether your girlfriend really means what she says. Don't automatically assume she wants to marry you because you're special or anything. You might have just been in the right place at the right time (or the wrong place, at the wrong time, depending on how you look at it).

Remember, many women simply want to get married—period. And they'll pull out all the stops to land the next halfway decent guy with a job who shows up. Women who want to get married will stop at nothing. They'll use all the weapons at their disposal to convince you that you should get married. They'll be all nice and sweet, going so far as to say they love you. And if that isn't enough, these women will—without any problem at all—laugh at your unfunny jokes, wear the ugly jewelry you buy them and let you have sex with them. With these tactics, not surprisingly, women usually get their way. So don't marry any woman until she's proven—through actions, not words—that she's on the up-and-up with you. Keep your guard up until you have some proof of her affection, like seeing her lunge in front of a bullet meant for you.

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Once you've married a girl, she can relax and start telling you to go get your own fucking beer (and how about getting one for her while you're up?) After marriage, women change, but almost never in a way that benefits men. For example, women rarely develop a sudden interest in giving better blow jobs.

Inside a stable, legally-binding relationship, some women let their true personality come out. And it's often not pretty. There's no holding back. And no self-censoring. There's no more taking your feelings into account; that shit is officially over. Once she has a vested interest in the relationship, you'll learn how she really feels about stuff. The behavior she put up with while you were dating—you know, being yourself—is gonna have to change. It's the difference between renting an apartment and owning a home. With an apartment, you're willing to let things slide because the place isn't really yours. But, once you get married, she owns you. And you're looking at some serious renovation. She's gonna remodel you. Rip out the traits she doesn't like in your personality and put in some flowered drapes. You're a “fixer-upper.” And she's gonna fix you like a cat.

Still, don't feel you have to do everything she says (trust us, it's an extremely bad precedent to set). While she's entirely within her rights to demand that you “put up or shut up,” don't let her impatience or timetable pressure you into making a commitment you're not certain about. The last thing you want is to be in a relationship not of your own doing. (Women may love blaming their man for all their woes, but when a man blames his woman for his shitty life, he just looks like a pussy.) Make absolutely sure getting hitched is your decision, and one you can live with. Because that's exactly what you're going to do.