My confession

I just want to get something of my chest. Yes, I am in love. And yes it feels great, and yes, we will never be together.
But at least he remind me how it feels. I went on so many pointless dates where man was not even interested but just keep staying with me for the sake of sex. Did I feel anger when he told me he is not into me, yes I did, but did I hate him, no. I felt angry why not me, but there will be no scientifically or any logical explanation, because it's just was not me, and not because I am worthless. Did I cry, yes. Did I feel like the earth just explode under my feet, yes. Did I think for a moment I will never meet a person like that again, yes. Did I want him to call me back and tell me he made a mistake , yes. Did I want to leave the city forever, yes. Did I stay at home and waited by the phone to ring, did I checked my email in the middle of the night, did I want to call him and tell him how I really feel, did I want to do something stupid, yes and yes. To all of that things and many other stupid ideas which crossed my mind. Can I stop making my heart beat that fast every time I think about him, can I stop how good I felt every time he talked to me, called me, touched me, no. But time will heel all of it, and at the end I know I am still me. I am thankful for that experience, thankful to him for stepping into my life and making it beautiful for a moment, maybe just for a very short one. And since I even know it was not a mutual feeling, it felt good. Why I suppose to lie, yes I wanted him to feel the same, but you can't force it. It either happens or it doesn't happen.The first man in my life who did not take me along for the ride, just for the sake of sex.
Will I ever fall in love again, yes. Do I believe in it now, not to sure. Do I feel less of a person because of that, no. I still feel like a women. I do not hate man, yes I do hate fake man, but he was not fake. But do I feel love now, yes. I feel I am loved by my family and friends, yes it is different. But I feel loved and happy in my own way. Will I meet someone today, probably not, maybe not even in some time. But will I stop growing, learning, evolving, no. Will I stop believe in humans, no. I will be like a Chinese Dragon, which they burn every year, but every time he appears again from the ashes. It's life, and sometimes it's hurts, it cannot be fun and happy all the time. And if most of us will not understand it now, it will be much more complicated down the road. Even as complete and happy as I feel, there are moments, and there still be a lot more moments, and I can not tell you I am ready for them, no. I am trying to prepare myself, but can I plan my future, no. Do I really want to plan it, no. Yes, I do think ahead, but I can not force it to happen. The only think I can try is to be who I am really, be true to myself, and to forgive. And wish everyone health and happiness.
I think all the people on this site need to read what authors wrote in content table for Girl's Guide/Guy's Guide, yes the words might hurt you, but it's the cruel truth in a not very nice context. Even if you won't follow it at least take it into the consideration.
Lady/Devil best of both worlds