Mindgames?
Hey. I went out with a girl for three years. She fucked up my life, walked all over me, crushed on other guys, probably lied to me about all sorts of stuff, and just turned me into a miserable person. Nobody knows about any of that because I don't tell anyone her faults. I don't want anyone to judge her because she's actually a nice person, she's just fucking nuts. I was pretty god damn loyal to her and good to her the whole relationship. Never crossed a line at all. Every time I did make a mistake, however, she would tell all her friends and publicize it. She stopped talking to people because she was depressed and blamed it on me and my 'jealousy issues' when I was nothing but good to her and encouraged her to hang out with her other friends, even her guy friends (I even put up with her talking to her ex all the time, even after at one point in our relationship crushing on him and lying to me about it). However, I cheated on her at the end of our relationship and was honest about it, so of course she told the world. She acted like a sap to me saying how she was so good to me and didn't deserve it and that she loved me and all this. It's a couple months later now, and she's already dating someone else.
Obviously this hurts me. I was suspicious of her liking this guy for a while and asked her about him while I was dating her and she said he wasn't her type and what not. I don't know if he's a rebound or what but I think she is playing mindgames with me. She goes to the same school as I do and is all romantic and affectionate with him in front of me. She tells everyone how much happier she is with this guy. I don't think I was bad to her at all, I did a ton for her and was always sweet to her., but she victimizes herself and makes me out to be a monster who destroyed her life and makes this new guy out to be her savior or something. Maybe this is typical. She goes out of her way to make me feel like shit. I'm not just paranoid either.
Normally it wouldn't be very hard on me but it's hard to break contact with the bitch when she's in three classes with me, talks to me all the time, and continues to shit all over my jealousy problems. Maybe you'd think she has a right to, cause I cheated on her. However, believe it or not, she's managed to take it so far that I think enough is enough and I don't deserve anymore. She's turned a ton of people against me and I have very minimal friends now. I'd like to break contact with her but I'm forced to coexist with her, her stupid friends, and her new boyfriend because they all go to my school and are in classes with me.
And yes, I miss her and she's definitely making me feel like total shit by flaunting her new boyfriend at me all the time, talking loudly about her new relationship with her friends while I'm around so that I can hear, taunting and bothering the few friends that I do have, and just in general being a bitch. I'm not sure how to handle all of this and I could use some advice, because I'm just feeling more and more like shit and it's hard to recover when the bitch is in my face every day with her new boyfriend.
Re:Mindgames?
Dude, why the hell did you stay with that nut case for so long? Secondly, stop crying about it and take action. CUT HER OFF! Stop talking to her, Ignore her, every minute, of every day. BEGIN talking to other chicks, make new friends, and go have a good time. You feel bad because you admitted you cheated on her. You were in the wrong for cheating, but you admitted it. Guess what, from what you discribe it is very, very likely she cheated on you and will never admit it.
So, pull yourself together bro and Next that b1tch! I mean, really. Don't just sit there reading this and consider it. DO IT! DO IT NOW! Start this very minute, put it in your head that it's done. That is the only way to get through it.
Hope this helps.
Re:Mindgames?
Yep, i'm going to have to agree with decz on this one. No point in even talking to that nutcase anymore.
Re:Mindgames?
What a simp.
Re:Mindgames?
If I don't have a good response, Decz is the man. Heed his advice. You gotta cut that self-piteous shit out man. You're WASTING your OWN BEAUTIFUL LIFE AWAY on a girl who's worth SHIT. Suck up the emo crap, realize everyone gets fucked over and it makes you stronger. It makes you learn what NOT to do and move on.
You're a better person having experienced this. Now embrace yourself and let go of her. She's not worth it.
Re:Mindgames?
Going with Decz. Feel your pain, Sounds like my Ex. CUT HER OFF!!!!!
Re:Mindgames?
I really appreciate all of the advice, and it is definitely encouraging.
It's really difficult to really put it into action, though. You see I've experienced a ton with this girl. She was my first for practically everything and vice versa, so there's that connection between us that's so hard to lose because everything was so pure. I guess I practically built my life around her throughout those years because she was very needy and I cared for her maybe a little too much. So now that I don't know her in that way anymore, it's really really hard. I'm not trying to sound too bitchy or anything, but yeah it's really hard. As nuts as she was, she was definitely there for me through thick and thin. She definitely cared about me a lot and everything. I guess she kinda consumed my life.
It's just harsh how long we were together, and how close we were, and how strong we felt, and what we had has all been thrown in the garbage now. It's harsh that she pretends nothing happened and talks to me, and I don't want to talk to her. I don't want to see her. I don't want her in my classes. I do avoid her. I took her off my buddy list, as well. And I take the long way to get to certain classes to avoid running into her.
I'm not trying to sound too emo or anything. But this is some tough shit right now. I really do not understand how it took her such a short amount of time to start dating somebody else, after being with me for such a long time. I mean yeah, I cheated on her, but I admitted it and I know it was a mistake. But I guess I don't have the right to feel bad about it. Anyway, I really appreciate the advice now. Very cool people on this board.
And sorry, because this post is just fucking pathetic and sappy and embarrassing, but I had to get it out.
Re:Mindgames?
Don't apologize hun. You needed to vent and hopefully you feel amazingly better having done so.
You just have to move on now. :)
Re:Mindgames?
Avoiding her is letting her still have control over you. It isnt wrong to cherish your first experiences together and she wasnt honest with you. You will eventually find someone who is so much more- you seem to have a lot of life still to go through- dont get discouraged and be there for yourself- if she is as nuts as you say, thank God for the unanswered prayers- For right now, keep your head up and dont let her be a victor over you. You had experiences that arent wrong to cherish but dont let them control you- Life is Short and you dont want to go through it like Will Smith in Hitch- you will find others some good, some not so good but one day you may find that one- if you do cherish her and let her see and hear your feelings and love everyday- life is something you live once- learn and grow- dont give up and DONT avoid her- face it head on and move on, dont let her see you down or control you indirectly then she is still controlling you- good luck kid- its a shity world out there at times
Re:Mindgames?
That last post from Guest was really encouraging and I appreciate that awesome advice and it made me feel much better. Although I've decided to take Decz's advice, about avoiding and ignoring her. Haven't spoken to her in over a month. Blocked her phone number, screen name, e-mail. Told my friends that have asked about her that she got hit by a bus and died. Stopped reading her ridiculous LiveJournal in which she posts every single day about how much happier she is with her new boyfriend (last time I checked). I think she does that because she wants me to read it. This is probably the first time I've actually said anything specifically about her in detail in a while.
She still brings her boyfriend into the classroom in the classes she has with me, and is all over him right in front of me til the late bell rings. It seems peculiar that she would do that. It gives me the impression that she's a bit too vengeful towards her ex to pursue a meaningful relationship so soon. But hey, not my problem. She's not my business to give a damn about anymore. It still bothers me sometimes, though, but I guess that's normal. Seeing her is still a real drag. I dread my classes with her and I feel pretty badly when she's around. But I have been doing much better. When I'm not around her, I generally feel good.
I appreciate all the feedback. You're all very helpful.
Re:Mindgames?
That last post from Guest was really encouraging and I appreciate that awesome advice and it made me feel much better. Although I've decided to take Decz's advice, about avoiding and ignoring her. Haven't spoken to her in over a month. Blocked her phone number, screen name, e-mail. Told my friends that have asked about her that she got hit by a bus and died. Stopped reading her ridiculous LiveJournal in which she posts every single day about how much happier she is with her new boyfriend (last time I checked). I think she does that because she wants me to read it. This is probably the first time I've actually said anything specifically about her in detail in a while.
She still brings her boyfriend into the classroom in the classes she has with me, and is all over him right in front of me til the late bell rings. It seems peculiar that she would do that. It gives me the impression that she's a bit too vengeful towards her ex to pursue a meaningful relationship so soon. But hey, not my problem. She's not my business to give a damn about anymore. It still bothers me sometimes, though, but I guess that's normal. Seeing her is still a real drag. I dread my classes with her and I feel pretty badly when she's around. But I have been doing much better. When I'm not around her, I generally feel good.
I appreciate all the feedback. You're all very helpful.
Glad you're doing the right thing bro! She's petty, but hey, she's a chick and that's what happens. Just remember to keep your head up.
BPD
I had a very similar experiience to you. It turns out that my ex had Borderline personality Disorda because of a traumatic childhood. Avoiding all contact is the only way forward. When you can look her in the eye and say a quick hello and keep moving....THEN you know you are over the experience but as long as her presence/actions affect your feelings, she has a certain amount of control over you and she knows it. Ultimately, that is all that her actions are about....controlling you. She doesn't respect you or men in general and she has an ego that needs to be satisfied by your jealousy.
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