Need Urgent Advise

Okay, It started like this I have been in long term relationship for years, everything was good, and we got engaged, than mediocre, than really bad. She dumped me. We have a business together, and the whole break up was really bad. And we still own business together and have some debt to repay. I am not saying that I was an angel, but god my ex really in a need of psychological help.

Since, I was in a bull rage but I still manage to meet someone and fall in love about 3 month later. The person I met made me feel so comfortable, I felt completely myself. We had a long distance relationship. I probably fell for her because really got tired of my ex excuses and hysteria for 5 years.

But it was great for about 6 month, with the long distance girl, and than really bad for about a month, and we decided to split mutually. Bullshit, not mutually but I went with the flow. So, going thru another rage and feeling that all women are bitches, I decided internet as an exit for my pain. Met bunch of self distracted, needy people, and than met someone very peculiar.

I travel a lot for my business all around the country so after about 2 weeks of going out with the peculiar girl, I left for another 2 weeks on business. For some reason I did not even miss her, and I was still in touch with my ex and spoke to her frequently(the long distance one) and I told her about the peculiar girl I met, she told me I am not ready and can do better.

So, came back to town, and let me tell you that whole internet really got to me I could not stop, in the back of my mind I always thought that I might meet someone better. I was also feeling like I still have feelings for that long distance girl. The girl I was seeing, told me that she does not liked just to be fucked, she was not pushy or forceful at all, the most patient person that I met in years. She did not even asked me to remove my profile from the internet, but she told me she feels like that whole internet dating is just not for her. I have no idea what I was thinking at that time, she asked me if you just fucking me let me go, do not take me a long for the ride, it's not my fault it did not work for you with the others. I felt like she is intuitively senses the tension, but I also felt like she will dump me. I did not promise her anything, she was not even my girlfriend. When I told her a week an a half later I am not feeling it for her, that I am still have feelings for the other person, that I am not ready for the relationship, she took it so well. I asked her to be friends, you know guys what I mean. But she told me no, she mentioned before, if it will not work out we will go our separate ways.

After that last talk that we had, it's been a little over a year. I have not been thinking about her, met other bunch of woman from the matching sites. Tried to get back together with long distance girl, seemed like it worked at first but than I realized she was just using me whenever was dumped or felt bad. So, a little bit more than a week ago I woke up and it's just hit me that peculiar girl was the best thing that ever happened to me, that 3 weeks of seeing her and 3 weeks talking on the phone with her, was one of the most magical moments of my life.

It's hard, I am a man, and we all know that we either feel it right away, or not feeling it at all. I burned all the bridges during our last call. I have not contacted her, neither by phone or email. She did not contact me either, just disappeared, the same way she entered my life.

But I want her back, I want her because just I realized that I let her slip thru my fingers. After all that dating, and meeting so many people I just realized she was the only one who cared. Tell me people if I am going mad, or this things happen to other man. I am so embarrassed to call her. I tried to search all matching sites over web and couldn't find her. She told me she removed her profile because this was not for her, and she never put it back. Maybe she is in the relationship, maybe even engaged or married.

What was killing me the most when I told peculiar girl, that I am still into long distance girl, she told me that life is so cruel and too short, take you chance go and tell her how you feel. But when I told long distance girl about peculiar girl, she told me I am not ready, and I can do better, and that I am better than her.

Please, advise me what to do?