she bailed me for her ex that BASHES her and MORE!

I can't inagine what you're feeling 'cos I've never been through an experience like that, but I'm sure it must be really tough.

I doubt there's anything more you can do to help this girl that you haven't already done, and you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. She was very lucky to have you in her life, but sadly wasn't able to appreciate it. Maybe this girl has issues that go way back as she sounds very messed up. She needs to sort these out for herself - you can't do it for her.

Please try to move on, and resist the temptation to become involved with her again. If she comes to you for help, refer her to a counselor, or the police, but don't get involved.

All the best...

Bro, I feel sorry for you that you actually believed her bullshit and were such a decent stand up guy to a b1tch like that. I highly doubt she was actually raped. I have been told many stories, by guys who have heard the same lame story from their exs, that match that her "rape" story. It always turns out that they keep communication with the so called "raper/molester" open and end up banging the so called "raper/molester" again. I understand that if a female where raped/molested they might not want to contact the police, however I very much doubt they would continue to contact the raper/molester. That is just complete and total bullshit that should have jumped up and slapped you clear in the face to get your attention of her lies.

Despite her objections you should have contacted the police immediately. The fact that she never blocked his # and continued to communicate with the ex man screams Red Flag to me. I really am not surprised you found her at his place. I'm sorry you had to be put through this.

Best thing you can do is NEXT her and move on with your life. Cut all communications with her and learn some of the dirty tricks and signals that are common with skanks.

Just my .02

-decz

I agree with decz and guest above. She will eventually come to the realization that she doesn't need someone like that in her life, that she needs someone like you. Sadly, no one else is going to make her realize this, it's something she's going to have to come to on her own.One question is, when she realizes this, would you want to take her back? Would you be able to trust someone who has lied to you on several occasions and cheated on you? It's understandable that you would like to help this girl, but since they have now spotted you doing drive-byes, that may put you into an ugly confrontation with her ex/psycho. It's best to try and distance yourself from that situation as much as possible. Regardless of whether or not she was actually raped, he still hit her and she needs to get away from that. I've never heard that "he makes me feel like a whore, so I act like one" line from anyone, I believe that's just BS and was just a way of her trying to justify what she did with him, to you.My advice, difficult as it may be for you considering your concern for the girl, is to move on. Good luck.

Just want to add that im 32, she is 22, and he is approx. 26.

Im seeing a councilor every 2 weeks and seeing my doctor every other week.

I still love this girl, and believe she was being truthfull about the rape, considering her reaction to it initially (emotional numbness, confusion, depression), compared to her reaction to when she had cheated on me later (extreme guilt, and going into an almost catatonic state). I even did some research on how to tell if your being lied to, and asked her a couple of times about it, only to be convinced that it was the truth.

I think she just sees the rape as another moment of abuse, like the times with him before (she told me he has done worse things in the past, and even her best friend has verified that to me by what she has told her), and that she has somehow bonded with with this kind of treatment over time (4 years), excusing his actions because of his mental condition (bi-polar), and has mistaken it for love. Ive done some research on that too (abuse/torture-bonding), and it does happen! As fucked up and disturbing as it is!

I wish I could post the letter she wrote to me for everyone to see how messed up she is, but that would be too much.

She has no self-esteem, no self-respect, and no love for herself - only hate, anger and confusion, and she cannot face me or the responsibility for her actions.

It hurts me so much to be totally shut out, and left alone to pick up the pieces of my shattered heart, while she is spreading her legs to a sadistic rapist!

The problem is that with him still in the picture, she will never get better. He has gotten away with everything so far, and even if he is acting nicer to her now (drawing her back into the center of the web), it wont take long till he goes back to his old ways and it will probably take a really bad beating or more for her to realize that she is in a very dangerous situation. Its soooo frustrating!! This guy needs a serious dose of KARMA!!!!

I wish a lightning bolt would strike him down or a piano would fall on him or something.

I was 102 kilos when I found out about the rape. Its now 6 months later, and I am down to 74 kilos! No exercice or healthy eating - just STRESS!!!!

I know I have to get myself together, and try to move on, but I still worry about her, and care about her. Noone on this planet has treated me as badly as her, but I dont think her actions were calculated or intentional. She really needs serious help, and I know she knows it. I do believe I have had some sort of positive impact on her, by way of showing her what its like to be treated with real love and respect, she has acknowledged it, but is unable to break this poisonous cycle. Its such a fucked up situation!

Also, thank you for your advice so far, you all seem like nice people. The world needs more of your kind.

That WAS me before. I forgot to log in - dunderhead!

Blimey! I truly do feel for you and wish I could offer more constructive advice than I am currently doing but the fact is, as others have said before me, you can't help those who do not want to be helped. The only thing you can truly do is look after yourself and quite frankly - walk away. Else the odds are that you will get even more involved into this utterly unhealthy and quite frankly dangerous "menage e trois" (sp?).

I do hope everything works out for you, whatever that may entail.

That sucks, bro..Hey, you tried to be a decent guy, and you saw what can happen. Being a caring guy isn't going to get the job done, seeing how a lot of girls are screwed up in the head. Dude, just look out for yourself, and avoid her ass like the plague, cause she is up to no good, and you shouldn't get any more involved in her drama than you already are..

I didnt mention this before because of being embarrased about it, but yes, there is more bullshit that I have to deal with even after I totally get past the relationshit stuff......mainly a not so little virus called herpes, type-1 genital to be exact. She gave it to me by going down on me (she had no coldsore at the time, but there is never any guarantee inbetween anyway).

She told me she got coldsores (herpes type-1 oral) early on (about a week into our relationshit). I didnt see it as a big thing, and I was willing to take the risk cause I thought we had a future together. The chances were pretty low on me getting it, so my doctor told me, but because I had never had a coldsore before it did make me more prone to getting infected.

Well, I lucked out, BIGTIME!!!!

Now I have to deal with this stigma for the rest of my life, not so easy to just NEXT her and move on, she has left me with her legacy, only where hers is socially accepted as far as coldsores go, mine is like an anti-girlfriend bomb that I have to drop on any cool girl that likes me before we get too intimate! Even though having type-1 down there is meant to be a lot less active or contagious than type-2 down there or even type-1 orally, Its something I have to be honest about, and I wouldnt blame most girls for running, unless they, themselves get coldsores, meaning the chances of me passing it on to them are next to none.

What a year this has been for me! It almost makes me laugh, almost, but no laughs, only tears.....

So much for putting your trust in someone!!!

I hope everyone else out there is doin ok, power to you all!

Damnit, i've met and heard of a few complete bitches, but she has to take the cake!!!! If I were you I'd treat her like the fucking plague, don't have anything to do with her if possible. She only means trouble.

It's really tough that you caught herpes from this girl. Unfortunately it is such an easy thing to catch, which is why so many people have it; a carrier can be infectious without any physical symptoms (asymptomatic). This does not help you, however.

There are things you can do to reduce your susceptibility to attacks, such as eat a sensible balanced diet, try to avoid excessive consumption of foods containing arginine, and drink tea made from plants in the mint family.

It may sound bizarre, but these plants contain substances known to supress HSV activity. I also have some fairly recent research articles about a possible cure - I can email these to you if you want them. At present there is no cure, but one day soon there could be.

I've had oral herpes for 20 years, so I can understand the discomfort and embarrassment to some degree. You are not alone with this affliction - there are more people with genital herpes than you may be inclined to believe just now.

Now is the time for you to take good care of yourself, but please try not to be bitter. Not everyone is as messed up as this girl.

Take care

The same thing happened to me. I made out with a chick whom I've never seen with a coldsore, and she went down on me, but ever since then I've been getting a TON of coldsores on my lips, around my mouth, and sores in my mouth. I haven't noticed anything on my genitals yet though. I've gotten coldsores on my mouth before but nothing like this! I don't know though, it could be because my immune system isn't doing well (I recently became a vegetarian because I get nauseous when I eat meat). Can lack of protein cause this?

Fucking bitches, man! Spreading diseases and shit. I'm sorry that happened to you, man, but I think I may be in the same boat.

Herpes is a virus which rests in the ganglia at the base of spine and brain, and is therefore part of the nervous system. Getting stressed, being ill, and lack of proper nutrition reduce the body's immune system. This in turn allows the herpes virus to kick in, and therefore attacks will occur. Hormonal fluctuations also cause outbreaks, which is why women tend to have more outbreaks than men.

However, scientists have shown that men are more likely to be asymptomatic (contagious but without tell-tale sores) than women, and can therefore spread the virus more effectively. Herpes will also lay dormant in the body before the initial attack, so it's possible to be HSV + without being aware.

Being vegetarian will actually benefit you, as meat tends to have higher concentrations of arginine (also alcohol, chocolate and coffee) than other types of food.

If you see, or feel, coldsores emerging, wrap an ice-cube in a clean tissue or handkerchief and apply it to the area. This is the most effective way of keeping imminent attacks at bay. If they have already emerged, apply a used, cold tea bag to relieve soreness (or lemon balm cream), and leave well alone. Don't lick, touch or come into contact with anyone else. Akways wash your hands after applying anything to an infected area!

I believe a cure is imminent, but those who already have the virus should behave considerately and responsibly to others.

Good luck!