women dont want LOVE.

all i hear on the guy's side is how women don't know what they want, or they only want money and babies. did you ever try taking a look at the girls bitch board? it is filled with women who tried hard to stick it out with their man, no matter how shitty. these were not rich, successful, baby-makers they were describing. so that negates the money & babies theory.

so then guys say that women don't know what they want because they choose to stick it out with assholes. i guarantee, that for the long-term break-ups that were posted (not the dating scene break-ups), the guys acted differently in the beginning -- as we all are tempted to do. so these women did not actively CHOOSE to be with an asshole. (this is why relationshit.com is so great -- it really tells it like it is about acting like someone you're not).

so then why stick it out for years? are these women doormats? are they desperate? will they accept free lodging at any cost? you may ask...

believe me, in some sad way, women (and it happens to men too) think that it can somehow go back to the way it was before (it can't). they also hold onto the hope that they can somehow help their troubled/angry/workaholic/commitmentphobic/adulterous (whatever the case may be) boyfriend or girlfriend in some way, baecause at one time they were able to make him/her happy (they can't). this is the sad reason why most stay.

SO THEN FINALLY, DO WOMEN WANT LOVE?

yes they do. they do not need it in the form of money, or babies, or houses. what they do crave is security. NOT money security, but the knowlege that when the money is tight, or money choices have to be made, or times get tough, that you are the type of guy will not fly the coop. so women look for RESPONSIBLE guys, not necessarily RICH guys. a guy can be born into lots of cash and then choose to snort it all right up his nose. believe me, that is NOT ATTRACTIVE, no matter how rich he is. they are also not attracted to a guy who will spend money on beer or video games if he can't pay his phone bill -- that falls into the "making good money choices" category. it's not just that he doesn't make enough to pay bills, it's that he doesn't spend his budget, however big or small, wisely.

women also want security in knowing that they have a man who wants a sexual relationship with them and no one else. security in the knowlegde that you not only love, but like and respect them (not love-hate them) even though they snore, or have too many shoes, or whatever it is that you see as a flaw. and security in the knowledge that you will be there to support their dreams -- even if one of those dreams is owning a house or having a baby. if you don't, that is a big thing to not have in common, and it is not the woman or man's fault. not only women have these goals -- for God's sake, King Henry the VII had lots of wives (some of which he beheaded) just so he could get a son. you may not be ready for a chip off the old block now, but when you are, no one will persecute you for it -- so don't do it to women who already know what they want.

i hate to break it to you guys, but women no longer need boyfriends to buy homes or have children (it's a lot less scary to go through those things with a mate, but no longer a pre-requisite) so you gotta be able to supply something more than a mortgage and sperm. and from the sound of the posts on this site -- it sounds like you guys don't even wanna consider helping out with that. so you either need to find a woman who doesn't have those things as a life goal (or she will resent you) or figure out what you really want. what do YOU want is the real question -- not "what do women want."

good luck to you.

if you think modern women are so bad, then check out the "3rd worlder" posting on this site.

have a woman claim to want to be your slave is not all it's cracked up to be

i meant VIII, not VII. ah well, i was on a roll...

Charity, you really have a lot of educated posts. I look forward to seeing more of your posts. You seem to be one of FEW women that are good in this world.

dear guest,

thanks, that's so nice to hear.

my three year relationship ended last week. i didn't think i would post anything, since i never have before. but it made me feel a lot better. if it makes anyone else feel better too, then that's really cool.

if you're visiting this site, you've probably had your heart broken too. that sucks, but i hope this site gave you a few laughs and some good food for thought.

be well,

charity

are there any guys out there who want all those things?

Charity, that must be tough! I once had a two year relationship. It just wasn't meant to be.

If you're referring to me in particular as to visiting this site, yeah I had my heart broken. Basically, I asked this girl out who I've known for two months as friends in my class only to be rejected. She had a boyfriend. She said she wants to be friends but it can't be because I had feelings. Now I don't have feelings and am almost completely over her, but I still don't see friends being an option. Especially not close friends, it'd just be too awkward and a waste of time. It wouldn't be right either, as it might seem that I was just WAITING for her bf to leave. At any rate, I"m looking for new prey. I think my downfall was that I idealized a relationship so bad and also, I didn't only lose a potential long term partner, but I lost a potential close friend. Live and learn.

seems like you really learned about yourself. pretty good way of looking at it. if you're meant to be friends, it'll happen in time, when you both feel comfortable. i've been there too. it took my graduating for us to be friends, but now he is one of my oldest friends from college. try not to stress over it now -- anyway, sounds like you're concentrating on meeting new people -- which is a brilliant plan.

you come off like a pretty smart guy -- you won't need much luck -- girls will be attracted to that. so have fun and i hope you meet some great people along the way.

ps don't forget to concentrate on why you're really at school too!

Charity, thanks for your kind words. To be honest, not trying to brag, but I don't have any problems with women. The only problem I have with women is finding the RIGHT one. That's always the hardest part. As far as school goes, I try not to get sidetracked!

Mike

am curious, since you seem like a smart, decent guy. what do you consider Ms. Right? it would be nice to hear what a guy thinks are good qualities, rather than just hearing about what the bad qualities are...

i don't have trouble meeting men either, just the right ones.

think the biggest lesson i learned with this break-up is that i was looking at the wrong things. i was looking at "traits" -- you know -- sense of humor, generous, high achiever, music lover, etc. we had SO much in common and had so much fun together b/c of these types of traits that we found attractive in each other. we seemed perfect for each other -- for a while.

the mistake was, i didn't look at what DRIVES the traits -- you know -- what the motivation was behind his behavior. as life came into play, i realized it's those drives and motivations, basically the "philosophy," for lack of a better word, behind the actions that truly counts.

example: a high achiever who believes in hard work and excellence may not get along with a Machiavellian high achiever who would use intimidation tactics to climb the ladder. or a thoughtful generous person might not get along with someone who uses big gestures to make up for being self-absorbed the rest of the time.

i still think he is a wonderful man, we're just not compatible. a hard lesson to learn 3 years later. i think the trick is, which i will have to perfect, is to feel these things out before becoming so attached that it is heartbreaking on both sides to end it.

the older i get, the longer i find it takes to find these things out about dating partners. you are so lucky to be in school, in an environment in which people are more open to discussing their beliefs, dreams and philosophies of life. i have no doubt you will have much luck finding Ms. Right, and having fun while doing it.

Thanks for the kind words. Seems like we both are in similar situations. I can tell you what I like in a women but don't generalize my likes with other men. The list is rather long: fidelity, committment, passion, sensitive, loyal, intelligent, family oriented, goal oriented, religious, can talk for hours with, compassionate, trustworthy, down to earth, serious, determined, ambitious, kinky, doesn't play games, knows what she wants. That's all that I can think of at the top of my head not stating and physical features. I think the main one is trust and everything else will fall into place such as fidelity, committment, honesty etc.

I totally understand what you're trying to say about traits. I think you do what a lot of people do wrong: IDEALIZE. People want something so bad taht they idealize things. As a friend told me, don't think 30 steps ahead, friends, good friends, dating, lovers, marriage etc.

About the traits as well, I've been there. I've met some girls where I met the deep end, figuratively, within just 3 days. I mean there was no depth to their personality and their interests were like flavours of the month. I want someone who is deep. Someone who thinks about life.

I think the right way to go about relationships is to start off as friends with a bunch of women, or in your case males. Don't get attached and just feel each other out and get to know each other. That way you can choose amongst them and in the end you'll know who the one is. Just as long as you don't do anything with them and it'll be all good. I think this is the best way to find the one. The only downfall to this is that someone will be playing games and someone will get their heart broken. It's just the best way overall especially for the person.

I guard my heart like "fort knox." I know it will be my downfall. Good luck with your quest.

Mike

i don't think i idealized him as much as i didn't look at the right things from the start. definitely didn't get ahead of myself -- or we probably would've been married by now. i'm not one of those chicks -- with a timetable and looking to tie the knot right away. but i see what you mean about wanting something so bad when you shouldn't -- i think we knew it was over but we were so attached by that point. we really were best friends. that's just not enough sometimes. with the right guy, i do agree, most of it will just fall into place.

thanks for the advice. the person who makes you comfortable will break down your fort knox.