never accept a massage from an ex

me again. so, it's finally me who asks via messenger what happened on saturday. and he tells me he told me it was dangerous to do massages when there's strong attraction (he asked first!!) and that he told me to stop (after grabbing my arm and hugging me!!). guys are so smart. they think that because they warned u it's your fault. shouldn't they think less with their dick and respect u if they ever did love u?? it's obvious that i still have feelings, and therefore fell for him yet again.

jerks!!

Okay, firstly. Don't put all the blame on him. You knew very well what was going on just as he did. Of course he didn't call you. It was a one last time romp..that's all he wanted and you participated. Do yourself a favor and stop contact, remove him and block him in your IM system. If you meet up with him again, it will just continue untill he finds a new chick then you will be devistated because he moved on and you didn't.

just my .02

-decz

Some people are just so gullible and weak. Shit's disgusting. :roll:

Excuse me, I don't think I insulted YOU Mike. You have no idea what our relationship was like, or the breakup. And yes, I may be gullible and weak, but I had faith in what we had and for a couple of moments did think I felt something on his part. That's why I fell for him. I have faith in people until the very last moment. That may change as I grow older, but I still believe he was a jerk and I'm fed up of having to excuse men. He knew damn well there were still feelings involved and he shouldn't have opened that door in the first place. It just shows little respect or concern for my feelings, and he supposedly did love me more than he had ever loved. I believed in him, and he disappointed me. I hate to think this is the way all men are, and I hate to think I'm going to end up as bitter as u about relationships. Just shows your share of suffering and how u've transformed it into bitterness towards love. I hope I keep the faith. And though I suffer, I'm stronger than u think.

Hmm, thanks?

I need to remember to log in.

Being dumped sucks, there are no two ways about it, and I feel your pain (we've all been there).

This is not meant to insult you in anyway, but to educate you on one of the cold, hard, facts of life that you don't seem to have learned yet: For men (and many women, once they stop lying to themselves) sex does NOT equal "love", no matter what they say. Let me repeat, JUST BECAUSE HE FUCKS YOU DOES NOT MEAN HE LOVES YOU. This does not mean that your ex-boyfriend didn't love you while you were dating, it just means that that last roll in the hay wasn't an admission on his part that he realized the err of his ways and decided he couldn't live without you and wanted to swoop in, sweep you off your feet and beg you to take him back, as you seem to have interpreted. It meant that he was horny. Period.

Harsh as this may seem to your newly-broken heart, the sooner this sinks in, the better off you'll be. (have you read through this site at all? This is pretty common knowledge!)

I was probably about 23 before it hit me (late bloomer - boy would this have been handy in college!) and it's like a lightbulb going on in your head when it does. And no...... I didn't turn into a bitter man-hater. I still love 'em!

Hope this helps. Really. That's my intention. You're hurting now, but you'll get over it... armed with knowledge!

Thanks for your advice, I am starting to realize what really happened. Thing is, I didn't expect him to sweep me off my feet or anything, I just wish people could be as thoughtful and responsible as I try to be about their actions. It pisses me off that someone who should respect u took advantage of your feelings. A lot of u will say I'm as guilty and I know I had my part in it, but there's a small difference- I was hurting and still in love. Why can't men respect that and keep a physical distance? It's disappointment in the person u thought they were. A song by Fiona Apple explains exactly what I feel best- Shadowboxer. Here are the lyrics:

Once my lover, now my friend

What a cruel thing to pretend

What a cunning way to condescend

Once my lover, and now my friend

Oh, you creep up like the clouds

And you set my soul at ease

Then you let your love abound

And you bring me to my knees

Oh, it's evil, babe, the way you let your grace enrapture me

When well you know, I'd be insane - to ever let that dirty game recapture me

You made me a shadowboxer, baby

I wanna be ready for what you do

I been swinging all around me

'Cause I don't know when you're gonna make your move

Oh, your gaze is dangerous

And you fill your space so sweet

If I let you get too close

You'll set your spell on me

So darlin' I just wanna say

Just in case I don't come through

I was on to every play

I just wanted you

But, oh, it's so evil, my love, the way you've no reverence to my concern

So I'll be sure to stay wary of you, love, to save the pain of

Once my flame and twice my burn

You made me a shadowboxer, baby

I wanna be ready for what you do

I been swinging all around me

'Cause I don't know when you're gonna make your move

Thanks for your response.

Because the female normally can't take her on advice and ends up contacting us..giving us said window of opportunity for another romp in the hay.

-decz

So it's always the female's fault? I'd better become a lesbian then...

it's not that it's always our fault. if you know you're still crazy about him, but the feeling isn't mutual--it's generally better to stay away, so you can avoid the temptation of the booty or just the possibility of torturing yourself all over again.

Hey Guest,

Not that all of the advice posted before wasn't correct or good -- it's good to get an honest perspective from a guy. But I do think that you are allowed to feel that he took advantage of a friend. And you don't need to blame yourself, just learn from this.

You see, I wasn't always A Hater. : ) Every man (and woman) is different. Some will use you for a roll in the hay. Some still love you but know that the relationship is bad -- and succumb to a moment of weakness. And others will respect you enough when it's over to not let a roll in the hay happen if they know it will not result in reconciliation.

I know that this IS possible, because I did have a ex-boyfriend of three years stop himself. (Actually, that hurt too -- I thought at the time I wanted one last night. Break-ups just hurt -- whether you have one last night together or not.)

But this guy was man enough to tell me that he still loved me but we just couldn't date anymore (he moved 2000 miles away, and I was supposed to follow, but work didn't come through), so he wasn't going to let anything happen. I've always respected him for not taking advantage of me in my vulnerable state -- and we're still friends.

Of course, it sounds like you expected this from your recent ex. I don't know what your friendship/relationship was like, so I can't say what you should or should not have expected. And I'm not going to advise you to expect this from future boyfriends, because I think my ex was a pretty special man. And other ex's of mine certainly wouldn't have acted the same.

But I can say that I'm sorry that a person you had trust in broke that trust. With experience, you will learn to read those situations better -- and perhaps protect yourself a bit more with the people that you need to protect yourself from.

Thanks a lot for your response Hater, I really appreciate someone understanding how I feel. I take my part in the blame, but it seems everyone always thinks it's the heart-broken woman who has to understand the jerk, because she led him on.

U're lucky to have met that special guy who respected u,

I hope all goes well for u...take care