Why am I still with this moron?

Your boyfiriend sounds like he SUCKS. I am really sorry he feels like he has to treat you that way. I am also sorry that you take it. You need to leave him, becuase this situation is clearly breaking you down. I had a really bad realtionship, similar to this one, though not as bad. One day, I had enough and I told him I was leaving for good. I left. Luckily I had my own place to go to. I suggest you go to a friend's or your parents' house. When you go to your friends' or parents', DON"T talk about the break-p. Just say you need time to process things, and it's too sad to talk about now. Change your phone muber. Don't call him. If he comes to see you and yells at you, tell him you don't care anymore b/c he's alrready said enough to kill you a lottle bit, and that you know that you deserve better than him. You will care. You will want to go back. DON"T. Don't call him in the middle of the night- even if it feels like your heart and stomach are being oulled out of your inside. Sadly, he will NEVER EVER change, and the faster you realize that and move on with your life, the better.

This is exactly the problem with most girls. Why do you girls stick around with such pricks? There are many good guys, especially me, who can't find good girls. I just don't get it with you girls. Ugh.

miss green -- first of all, know that it is awesome that you are reaching out on this site. that's the first step in realizing that it's over and you want to end it. it sounds like you are concerned about how to end it, but exactly why? fear for what he might do, or because you've been with him for so long that you don't feel that you have a support system or place to go?

whichever it is, it sounds like he can be volatile. i just got out of a similar relationship, but it only lasted three years. about a year of ignoring and mistrust, but i cut it short when the anger and verbal abuse appeared. this is what i can humbly advise...

find some peace in the fact that you know it is over, but you just have to implement the break in a way where you will be the most protected. make a plan. take time to do this if you have to. contact old friends or family you may have lost touch with, but whom you can trust. arrange a long term place to stay -- even apartment hunt if you have to. try not to feel like you are betraying or abondoning him by doing this -- remember, this guy emotionally abandoned you a long time ago. don't feel ashamed to tell people you TRUST that you may need some help in transitioning your life. if there's no one that you trust, then don't lose heart. you have been very strong to put up with the shit you have dealt with the last 5 years, so you are strong enough to leave him too.

when you feel secure, end it. i like the advice that was already posted. try to avoid situations that will cause him to get angry -- don't ENGAGE him. this is what he wants. he will try to bait you. this is not because he is mean or evil. this is because sometime in his life he was emotionally abused and abandoned, so this is what he knows how to do. sadly, this can no longer be your project, because clearly he does not want your help. he might even blame you for not helping him -- but every time you brought up your relationship and he yelled at you -- that was him rejecting your help. keep reminding yourself of that.

there is life after emotional abuse. don't judge yourself and don't listen to people who try to judge you, like the silly guest who posted before me. you are not a bad person for trying to help someone when the going got tough. but now you know enough to see that he is beyond your help, and he will probably not go back to the person he once was. this is good to know. and it will make you strong. good luck.

dont worry, if you were strong enough to put up with him for 5 years, you are clearly strong enough to get out of it. dont let him make you feel sorry or regret. just make a plan lke what the post before me says and get out of there when you are ready and feel secure. dont contact him in any circumstances and dont talk to him or listen to him cause I am sure once he finds you he will use every single trick and lie to get you back. dont buy any of it. get out and move on. everyone is respondible for themselves. you are not his mother and not his guarding angel. leave

I sincerely hope you found a way to put your life back in order. We have one shot at it while here on this earth. Time is so very precious....not to be wasted on those who do not deserve our love or attention.

Remember, God helps those who help themselves.

Be brave and keep strong.

Lioness

Um, actually sounds like you're the moron for staying with him for 5 yrs. Just end it and leave.

I needed to be reminded of this.

Okay folks I'm back *waits for the applause to die down*

MissGreen...my first thought here is that you have self-esteem/self-respect issues. The reason I say this is because you have put up with all of this crap and you haven't left. And the times that you have left, you've gone back. And put up with more.

It's obvious you don't like it, but you put up with it anyway. Why?

When you know that answer, you'll know how to proceed in this situation. Until you figure that out, you're only going to find yourself spinning in circles and doing the same thing.

There is a reason he can make you feel guilty. There is a reason the name-calling works. And you need to figure out why. This is a power issue...he has it, and you don't. He has the power to manipulate you, and you're forgetting something very important about that:

Only YOU can give someone the power to control you.

Once you take that away, his name-calling and guilt-laying will have no effect. And this is what you need to do. You're not going to escape if his opinion means that much to you, and you need to figure out why.

So, let me ask you some questions to answer, either here or just to yourself:

#1) Do you still love him?

#2) Have you been sticking it out because somewhere deep inside you think you can change him?

#3) Is it simply an issue of being in a predictable rut that, as upsetting as it is, is comfortable for you and thus makes it hard to change?

#4) Do you really care what he thinks?

#5) Do you believe that you should feel guilty about leaving?

#6) Are you afraid of what the future will hold for you if you leave him?

You need to be honest in these answers. If you face them and deal with them, you'll find that you're better equipped to make the next step.

CA

"Why am I still with this moron?"

Hahahah. Common sense, ask yourself that question miss.

So, rule number one is: Keep them busy.

Encourage your special woman to enroll in classes or pursue hobbies.

This does two things. 1.) It gets them out of the house and gives you a moment of peace to watch Baywatch. And 2.) It keeps them from sitting around dwelling on what a major disappointment you are to them as a boyfriend/husband.

An occupied woman is a non-bitching woman: the best kind.

A bored woman is nothing but headaches. Women who sit around will invariably call their girlfriends. Then they'll start talking about you and how you don't live up to their Romance Novel dreams. Then you can't win.

You'll come home and they'll resent everything you do. It's a cumulative effect. The longer they're alone, the more you annoy them.

Get them to take pottery, acting, cooking, sewing or other arts and craft type classes. That way the odds of them meeting eligible straight men is dramatically reduced (if they take up surfing, you're in trouble).

Good luck!

I've said this before but I don't get how girls let their boyfriends treat them like personal property. Of coarse this is behavior from younger girls, but fucking retarded nonetheless. "Oh, my boyfriend won't let me" or "my boyfriend would be mad" Oh, how those words make me cringe. I would never put up with such bullshit. It doesn't really *bother* me, but it does annoy me that they let themselves be treated that way.

Yes you’re right I can’t stand it either and I for one will not put up with it! Men like that will only get worse, much worse if you can imagine that. There is no cure for this kind of behavior. Your only option is to leave if you cannot stand it any longer or you will develop health issues like ulcers, high blood pressure or worse. You sound like a wonderful girl who deserves much better than this person. Sorry to say that, but I feel that after only 3 years of taking his abuse no matter how much counseling he could go through, he will not change. You may love him but obviously you can't stand him. He is highly neurotic and insecure to act in this way. Are you ready to put your own life aside to cater to him perpetually? It's up to you what you wish to do at this point. Me, I’d tell him to hit the road!