Here’s the situation: I dated this girl for 3 years (lived together for 2 of those years) and it was a very intense relationship. She broke up with me 2 years ago, but for a year afterwards we occasionally hooked up. Then, about a year ago she met another guy who lived in a different city, and six months ago she moved to that city to live with him.
The breakup has been really hard on me so I’ve tried to have no contact with her. The last time I saw her in person was in April, right before she moved, and it was really hard on me and set me back emotionally, as I thought I was doing well in terms of getting over her. So I hadn’t had any contact with her whatsoever since then.
Here’s where it gets tricky. In a seriously unfortunate series of events, her new boyfriend’s mother was murdered last weekend. My ex’s mom called me and left a message telling me what had happened and that my ex was really having a hard time and maybe I could send my ex an e-mail “because [my ex’s mom] knows i still care about her and she could use the support…” It was awkward to say the least, because even though I don’t wanna come off as cold and uncaring, I kinda feel like it’s not my responsibility to comfort my ex when it’s her boyfriend’s mom, someone I don’t know and stuff, who was murdered. Anyway, I sent a short e-mail offering my condolensces. This was yesterday. Now today, I find out that my ex is back here in town for 2 days to see her mom, and my ex called me a couple hours ago wanting to see me because she’s feeling horrible and since “she still considers me a close friend,” that it would help her a lot to come over and see me for a little while.
Thing is, in my own continuing emotional state over the breakup of our relationship (I know it’s been a while since we split, but I’m still having a hard time dealing with it), I simply CAN’T see her, it would just hurt me too much. It hurts me to know that she’s upset about what’s happened to her boyfriend’s mom, and I don’t wish any pain on her or him or any of that, but I feel like I need to protect my own feelings, too. I kind of feel guilty about it, like I’m being selfish, and I’m just not sure what to do. I sent her an email a couple hours ago telling her I can’t see her but if she wants to call again I would talk to her on the phone for a little while (which is still tough for me).
Am I doing the right thing? Should what’s happened to her, and her feelings, supercede my feelings about our relationship? I just don’t know what the right and best thing to do is…