WHAT THE FUCK?!
*Pulls up stool and grabs beer*
Man, fuckin' a. These women man, I tell you what. Last night sucked! Didn't even see it coming. So I'm in this relationship for about a year now, and everythings been great. Shit, I've been in longer where I didn't have half as fun. All signs point to a great thing then BAM, sucker punched out of nowhere. So here's the deal: last month she goes to the east coast for this critics institute. I'm proud, she's excited, it's all good. I go visit her in NYC for a week and have a blast. Then she goes to the institute and I go back to Chicago. Calls all the time, everything's good. Even calls me crying about how much she misses me. No worries. While she's out there she breaks her ankle and gives me a call from the bar after the hospital. I hear all her friends in the background yelling "hi" and "we've heard so much about you" into the phone. She comes back and I go out to the suburbs to visit her the next day (she's not living in the city this summer). Before I do, I run into one of her friends who says she keeps talking about how excited she is to be back here with me. We have a great time, she can't get enough of me. Even says she may be "obsessed" with me--just so you can understand what I mean. The next morning I leave to go back and she plans on coming into the city the next day. I call her in the morning, and am a little quick with her since I'm in a rush. She says something along the lines of "I wish we were like we used to be" and it just totally caught me off guard. We talk for a bit about things, and she can't really give me a clear answer. She says stuff like "it's more my problem, and Im not emotionally equipped, blah blah blah...". She says for us to take the day and think things over, and that she's confident we can work this out. We talk on the phone late last nigh and I get an "I need time to figure myself out, I don't know what's wrong, I just can't deal with this" all through the tears of course. The only two things she can give me definite are (1) that she feels like she always loses and I always win. That I'm more logical and she's more emotional and those communication styles don't match. I pick holes in her reasoning, stuff like that", and (2) that she can't deal with my financial issues. See, I don't come from much and where most of the other kids parents payed for their housing and stuff like that, I had to work my way. It's never effected what we did in our relationship, but I just lost my income recently and don't know how I'm going to make rent this month. She says she can't worry about me all the time, if I'm going to be leaving tomorrow, that it's too stressfull. To be honest, I call bullshit. We've only had a small handful of arguments over the year, and it always ended quickly and in a good way. Even if it hadn't, I would at least think she would give me a CHANCE to work with her. Then the whole finance thing? Total bull. Christ, she was just going on about how much she needed me 24 hours ago. Also, we always thought those Facebook relationship status things were cheesy, so we never did it. Then FOUR DAYS AGO she calls me all shy-like and and tells me to check my requests. Sure enough, relationship nonsense.
This sounds like her depression and anxiety catching up to her. She had a great time doing the work she loves and now has to leave it. She's applying for grad school, and she's been freaking out the past couple of month's about where she's going in life. I think it may just be that she needs to simplify, and cut me out. She also said she hasn't been happy for the past couple of months, which I called bullshit on again and she didn't dispute. Honestly, everything she's told me has led me to believe different. I could go on with more endless details and intimate happenings that back this up but I've written enough. Can anyone relate? Anyone been in that relationship where you matched perfectly, looked up to and respected each other, and then for some unknown reason--BAM?! Even looking back, there was just no decline in her conviction with respects to me an her. Abandonment issues. Dad died and has been freaking about people leaving her since.
Man, these women I tell you what.
*finishes beer*
Similar thing happened to me.
Similar thing happened to me. "I love you, i adore you, i miss you all the time!". Then one day: "Where did you get this stupid idea that i liked you?!?"
you are not alone, believe me.
The best,
GROUNDZERO
Well...
Got to:
(1) that she feels like she always loses and I always win. That I'm more logical and she's more emotional and those communication styles don't match. I pick holes in her reasoning, stuff like that"
If you can't be yourself then bullshit. Move on to the next one, maybe she will enjoy a conversation with well grounded input.
a comment
man this is exactly what you need to do... Read "the game" you seem to be a great guy do the right things, be fun to hang around with etc. but the problem is, She is not attracted to you. The book pretty much explains this situation is great detail. I used to be that guy... not anymore
You're arguing the wrong way
The real deal: she says all this lovey crap because you've already cocked the trigger on this relationship without meaning to, sent her hairs up in a false alarm about something, probably being assertive to the point where she sees that as you being dissatisfied with the way she is, while guys are just taking all the "but I love you" crap as signal to keep on being the same way. When a woman crushes she gets all vulnerable. You gotta take desperate tearful I love yous as "I'm really scared and I'm getting the angry vibe from you" - so you gotta be the one to calmly take it down a notch. Do something over the top to show her it's in her head. Then ask her for specific times when you argued, and apologize for those, not for being right, but for saying it in a way she's not use to that rattled her.
Women are attracted to guys who can make them feel like the relationship is totally loved. Thats how you get over their insecurities. Make them know you plan to be there and you're not just planting little breakup plays trying to argue. Debating a woman is a completely different game.
SOMETHING ELSE GOING ON HERE
The exact same thing happened to me pretty much. I fought it at first but finally she made it clear that we were breaking up so I said okay whatever and I moved on. I've come to find out that most of the time when a girl does some irrational shit like that and breaks it off out of the blue its because of one of two reasons. #1 she has another dick lined up and she wants to break up with you so she can jump on it, or #2 she is already fucking someone else and she wants to break it off with you because she doesn't want to get caught and she is starting to feel guilty about it.I know that sounds bad and some of you choose not to believe that your sweetheart is capable of doing something like that but I promise you she can and she will unless you keep HER on HER toes. I dated a bitch for three years and she told me the same bullshit about how she wasnt emotionally fit for a relationship and needed some time blah blah blah the sad thing is i believed that shit but found out two years later she had been fucking another dude. we were both 18 at the time and white this dude was 28 and black with two kids. WTF. If she had told me up front that she just wanted to fuck older black men that wouldve been fine. Fuck that tramp whore.
cant believe it happened to me
*pulls up another stool and orders in a beer*
Fuck them. You will be ok there are a lot of us going through similar situations all the time. In the end you kind of start thinking to yourself why me? why not someone else? but truth of the matter is that someone else could be the person next door who might have just gone through something less or even more hurtfull than what you have just gone through, and you probably wouldnt even know about it. Were in the kind of world now where not a lot of people will commit they are to scared, to gutless, to unwilling and a bit lazy.
It really dawns on you when it feels like the night sky just opened up one night and pissed down fire on you. Its when you know you have been dating for around 2 years and everything is going so good and I am really thinking I have found the one and vice versa. We get to the stage where we know each other like no other, love each other fully, thoroughly enjoy each others company and trust each other like our lives depend on it.
We know we are both really comfortable with each other and talked about all the big things in life and were so comfortable with moving into a new home together and exploring life's opportunities together.
Were so excited that we arrange the move together, select the house together, I get work near there, she gets work near there. We both go and celebrate the fact that we are moving into the property with one another. She moves some things in and I move some thigns in, its all going fine and dandy. A few months on and all of a sudden an income phone call comes up as "Incoming Call" from her and she starts speaking to me saying how she has changed her mind, she has been thinking of going back to university and doing a further degree and wont be moving in after all. I do my best and completely understand both hers and my position and I feel really heart broken. She gives me all the "I would still like us to be friends". Two weeks later she deletes me off facebook, deletes the rest of my family of facebook, gets her sister to do the same.
just one thing happened, she added her new boyfriend on before she got to deleting the rest of my family.
Three words come to mind. That Fucking Bitch! (trust me the three words used to be "I Love You")
In the back of my mind when me and her were talking on the phone she seemed distant. Well my instincts proved right, she went to go fuck a new guy.
So here I am left all alone, with the fucking place that we chose together, OUR FUCKING HOME!!! and the bitch left me so fucking high and dry. A note to every single guy out there, watch your backs!
Good news is we decided to rent so wasnt put into a mortgage situation. Even better news is im now moving out to pastures new.
*looks confused by the whole fucked up situation and finishes beer*
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