I'm Trying

It takes a really special woman to forget infidelity. Happened to my daughter. She is still married. I couldn't do it. It takes a lot of guts and FAITH...if you don't have faith, it won't work..find out what that word means to you and ask yourself if you have what it takes to do it. Then of course you HAVE to discuss EVERYTHING with your husband, point blank. I mean EVERYTHING...your doubts, your love, etc. Good luck!

When someone hurts us, we have a tendency to want that person to suffer as "payment" for the pain they've caused us. We get angry, we grow bitter, and our hearts harden toward that person. We may find it hard to be "loving" until that person makes up for what they've done, We've been wronged and we want justice!! However, we fail to realize that whenever we nurse resentments or grudges, it never "pays" that person back, it only keeps us a prisoner of that very pain "fresh" within us and able to hurt us at any given moment, whereas forgiveness diminishes the power of that pain and sets us free from being held captive by it. This is not to say you will just "forget" what happened, but it just won't "pack the same punch." You're dealing with choices again, forgiveness is a choice, not something that just happens. When you choose to forgive, you are choosing to consciously let go of the pain. Just as choosing to love the offender is a hard choice, so is forgiving the offender, especially when that person does not apologize or act remorseful, or even worse, when they repeat the offense. But nevertheless, it's a choice and it requires mental work on your part. You might wonder why it's worth it. It's worth it because you are the one who suffers from not forgiving. Above all else, do it for the peace you will give yourself. First, I asked myself if I wanted to keep hurting about this forever, I didn't! So, I consciously decided that I wanted to learn how to forgive. The way I started to forgive my husband was to let him down off his pedestal. I had to tell myself that he's a human being and human beings make mistakes. He's faulty, great, so am I... so are you, so is everyone. I may not have made the same mistake he made, but I've certainly made mistakes that have hurt him too. Then I thought about how much I was hurting because of my husband's actions, and I asked myself if I really wanted to be the one to cause pain for someone else, I didn't! Look at yourself and the life you could be throwing away, I didn’t want that. I wanted to be a better person than that. So, I gave up my notions of wanting to "get even" or get revenge on him. I still must remind myself of these things on a daily basis, forgiveness is a continuing effort. I hope this post helps the women out there that hold hurt inside and don’t need to. As for me, my life is 100% better and I can honestly say I trust him. Since his mistake he has bent over backwards to show his love. He made a mistake, maybe more, I forgave him.

I agree

To a point...

You can do it! When you are over this you will look back and realize that you had learnt a lesson and you won’t be going there again. This will only make you stronger. Please don’t hate yourself, forgive yourself for believing him and, I know you may not want to at the moment, but if you could forgive him then this also relieves a lot of stress and heartache that you would of spent hating him. This is what I did with my ex, I started talking to him again last week and we actually get along great as long as we’re friends and not lovers. You can get over this like I did and letting go of all the hate has made my life a lot easier.

He cheats, he's out!

u can always forgive but u cant forget. to tell u the truth its easier to forgive, my bf cheated on me for 4 months of our 6 year relationship, i am forgiving him but that doesnt mean pictures in my mind dont haunt me once in a while. The way u can go about doing so, is all u have now is the thought, it was the past and already happened, and being upset about it cant change that, make sure he learned from his mistakes. it took a long time, he had to prove that and earn my trust back. I do trust him but I will never forget

Good Information

I am sorry you had to experience that. Too much pain for me. I think the only way to get through this and stay together, would be counselling. If you want to leave him, I do not blame you. He broke your vows, trust, commitment, for what? Men cheat for dumb reasons most of the time and it is so hurtful. Good luck. I hope you can work it out especially if you have children. I say if there are no kids, get out.

Linda, I know that working through this is difficult, but it can truly be worth it. Although I never would've believed this two years ago, I did eventually truly get over the affair. My marriage is stronger than ever. It took a lot of work, and I had to play the game to win, but it was worth it. We share everything now, cells, passwords, nothing is kept a secret from the other. There should be no secrets, why? Our bond and intimacy is much stronger and because of all the work I did on myself, and the commitment he has shown to save our marriage, my self esteem is at an all time high. I know longer worry my husband will cheat again. Good Luck!

I know of some. Love is a strange beast.

If if happens to me I don't think I could forgive or forget. Maybe my love isn't as strong as yours. It would take a lot to build the trust back and it would never be where it was. I lose a lover to an affaiR years ago and I still remember it like it was yesterday.

We're happier and closer now than ever before.

Now that I have him back, I find myself looking at other men.

It's admirable that you're trying, but really he is the one who has to prove himself. If he can do this consistently over time, you will have to take a leap of faith, and place your trust back in him.

My advice is to read books and forums on recovering from infidelity. Get marriage counseling, preferably with a counselor who specializes in infidelity.

What you're going through is exceptionally difficult, and he is the one who has to lead you through it. If he's not doing that, and you have lost hope that he will, then end things.