Brutally honest dating advice for the cynical, bitter and jaded.

why do I put up with this?

I had a fight with my boyfriend of over three years and now he's just ignoring me. I call him and he doesn't answer. Doesn't return calls. Outright ignores me on IM. He used to tell me that he didn't love me, because the concept of "love" didn't really register with him as meaning anything, but that he did "have feelings." A few months ago, after breaking up, we got back together and all of a sudden he was telling me that he loved me. Everything was going good, but then we had a fight about something retarded and he's ignoring me. He does this every time we fight, and I feel like it's entirely disrespectful. Most of the time I get mad because of something he did, then I threaten not to talk to him, so then he just doesn't talk to me and I end up crawling back to him. No apologies ever. I know this is f'd up and yet I continue to try and contact him whenever he does this. There are plenty of other guys who want to go out with me, and yet I'm hung up on this guy, because we get along so well. We're like best friends normally, but then a dispute happens and it's like I don't exist anymore. Why can't I leave this guy alone?

I have been there

You know what you are doing is not healthy and I am not judging you. I have done a similar thing. I can give advice on this because i have made my own mistakes and it is easier to be objective with an advisor.
You have to stop contacting him- no matter what it takes. It is a bit of an addiction and the more you do it, the harder it is to stop. The detox is going to be tough. What he is doing is very childish. If he is playing games and just wants to get to you, that's not a friend at all. If he just doesn't care, then why bother.
However, the only way you will know is if you ignore him for atleast 10 days. That's long enough for him to not make an excuse that you are busy and to come around if he does want to speak with you again. Do you have hotmail IM? If he always is offline, he may have blocked you as a contact. If he appears online and ignoring you, he could just be away from his computer a lot or he is a jerk that is enjoying this.
This is what you should do, if you can, Block him as a contact. He won't know that you did this. You will just appear offline. That way you will be unavailable. I don't think that you can receive emails from him if you do this. Unblock him after 10 days and then if you hear from him, you can take it from there. If not, you have to let it go and the longer you prolong your pain and get ignored, the harder it will be. Write in your journal, picture him picking his nose, think of his biggest insecurity. Do anything but contact him!! I know how it is. Once you contact them for answers and don't like their response, you have to undo it and you start making assumptions. It is like a viscious cycle. Stop! Cold Turkey! You can do it. Go on a date with another guy!!

Truthful advice, move on, 3

Truthful advice, move on, 3 years more than enough to understand, he just doesn't want you. I know hard to hear, but it is the truth. Move on, you done hear. And find a hobby, you will learn something new and forget the looser. And remember man will sleep with you either if he is in love with you or not.
Get out while you still have a little dignity and pride left in yourself.

You created something in

You created something in your head which does not exist, he is not your friend.
He is giving you subtle hints, maybe he is just not man enough to tell to go away, so whenever you come around, and he does not have anyone one else he just drags you along.
Move on, do not call, do not go to the same places he goes, do not ask your friends about him. God damn it, call you mother she will tell you the cold, harsh truth. It will be difficult, but you will get over it
Or if you like to feel sorry for your own ass, stay. Which I will not recommend, because you really do not want to hear that you are irritating him, from him or from someone else.
Be stronger!

Lady/Devil best of both worlds

He's got "hand", to put it mildly

Ever heard the expression "How can I miss you when you won't go away?" He can predict, with 100% certainty, exactly how long it will take you to crawl back to him after you "threaten to stop talking to him". Uh huh. I'm sure he really feels threatened.

Don't call, don't email, don't anything. You owe it to yourself to make him start to feel uncomfortable..."hmmm.. this is weird... she should have called me 17 minutes ago... I wonder what's going on.." The effort to do this will make you bleed from your eyes, but if you don't do it, you will feel ashamed. Of yourself. Over this freaking child pretending to be a man.

been there too

oh lord i totally understand what you are going through, i'm having that same problem with my guy aswell but its been going on for six months! Trust me listen to these people and get out of it while you can i think i mite do the same. Seriously, it is like an endless cycle..the moment he realises ur ignoring him he'll come running back to you only to do the same thing again and lead you on in to thinking he cares when he doesnt. I bet you they love the attention, like i constantly keep making excuses for him giving him the benefit of the doubt but nope he just throws it back in my face everytime. Seriously, i think i love this guy but when i actually think about its like what is it that i love about him ... there really is nothing i just think we cant let go coz its just easier. But i mean one of my mates had that same three year thing as you and it was very ugly he was so hurt and screwed up. I just dont think u guys can be mates without liking each other and when that happens something always happens to fuck it up. Leave it for now and maybe in the future you can come back to it, well im gna try do that lol iv been pestering my guy all day today emotionally blackmailing him for reaction bla bla you know the drill, its quite pathetic really and i NEED TO STOP AS DO YOU!!

why do you put up with this

why do you put up with this shit, honey because you are dump bitch.
This guy rules! just fucks you whenever you offer it, way to go! maybe you should go on a street and do it for money, at least will be usefull to other loosers just for some extra cash

how mean

I think you are stretching with your comparison. It's gone on for three years so there is some attachment. Your comment is unnecessarily cruel. I wish I knew if there was a way of flagging this.

I think it's more of a

I think it's more of a technique to open her eyes. Sometimes people sugarcoat things up for us because they don't want to hurt us, when what we really need is a reality check. It's happened to me- being broken hearted and crying and pathetic and having my mom or sister be like "Don't be so pathetic and get off your ass!!". Sure, it's not as mean, but they're all eye-openers.

disagree

I understand tough love. You don't want to encourage a person to be self destructive. But comparing someone to a whore and calling her a dumb bitch is not helpful. That would make me feel ten times worse. This person is vulnerable right now and she will internalize these things. She is acknowledging there is a problem with her behavior so already has some insight. I think " Don't be so pathetic and get off your ass" is as far as tough love should go. Also, this woman is not a dumb bitch. It's not true. This guy is using her but if he had zero feelings for her beyond sex, this would not have gone on for so long. He could always find sex somewhere else without tolerating the bullshit of the girl's attachment so he has sent her mixed messages. She needs to let it go and he is a jerk. But your analysis is off. We are all people both men and women. All this, he's not just that into you and the rules. There are not formulas for human behavior. Everyone situaton is unique. This guy is behaving just as pathetically and deplorably. I think by making women feel like they are out of control for expressing their feelings is disempowering. So, maybe she made a fool of herself and the guy doesn't give a shit. But who cares what the hell he thinks. Who is he? The key is for her to not make him so important and learn from this, not beat herself up and feel like a "dumb bitch or whore" and move on to someone else. There is no excuse for that posting. It was mean spirited and awful and I am really disgusted by it. Calling someone such awful things. This is for advice and honesty but not horrible insults.

Okay, yes it was me who

Okay,
yes it was me who wrote that "bitch slash whore comment" and yes it was mean.
But trust me if you think that the guy who was with her for 3 years not thinking the same thing you are wrong, actually he probably does not give a crap but that the reality and who we all are losers giving advise to other losers.
Look around this site all those links to other horny web sites, yes it is much more attractive than my comments. I am guessing all those dating links and blogs are not offending you, they just help you.
God, people go for a walk until your legs hurt, for a swim, read a book, open yourself to new possibilities. Call your relatives, remember good times. Go get a life.
Let me tell you something I was miserable like her years back, until my friend told me pretty much straight up that I am a dump bitch. Do you think I listen to her no, I waited longer. Until he really got tired of me and told me the same thing. He told me if the man just feel comfortable and the sex is for free no one will ever refuse it until the find another permanent replacement, even than very rarely man will refuse having sex with you, only if you start really irritating him, but that also does not stop man. Very rarely he told me you will find a man who will refuse having sex with you because he knows that your feelings will get hurt, he says it's like seeing a dinosaur on the street in the 20th century.
Because when something is over it is over. And when you leave always close the door behind you. It will be difficult, but if the man really loves you he will come back right away. He will not wait for the right moment because the right moment will be now.
I did lost someone I love, he got killed. That is a tragedy, a tragedy when both people where in love, had dreams, plans.
But you still have a chance to go and make someone happy because I can feel there is so much love in you give it to someone who will love you back no matter what. Because we all human beings with feelings and sometimes we get hurt, sometimes we hurt someone. And even if it will happen again, pick yourself up and start again. That's why we are human beings, and that's why our feelings get hurt. Do not wait until he tells you it will not work. Do not wait, give that love to someone, open your heart, your soul, be true to yourself. Close this bitter, cynical web site, block it, move on.
To me right now it looks like that the world collapsed, but I just was outside and I saw kids playing, some people go by and smile, some do not, some seemed worried, some happy, some grumpy, some angry, some in love, some waiting to fall in love. And just today I realized how much I love life, and that the man I love will never talk to me, touch me, argue with me, smile at me but my life will go on. And it will come to a moment when I will love again, I will!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why do you put up with this?

You've got to let this man go. His immature actions are being validated by the way you put up with it. You need to say to yourself I'm worth better than this. Also, you have to say to yourself this guy can't possibly love me. How do you love and then stop talking to someone simply out of spite? How do you never say you're sorry when you hurt someone you love? How do you behave like a child towards someone you love? Next time he stops speaking, you get real busy with friends and family and stop speaking also. Pick out a hobby right now that you'd like to explore. Then when the non-verbal crap starts, start working on that hobby. Just throw yourself into it. While he's being an ass, you are growing and moving out of his line vision. So, when he finally does call, you can say, Oh,Hi, and you are?

materialize me's picture

You cant leave him alone

You cant leave him alone because of all the good shit you had when you first started dating. Someone once told me there is a difference between men and women. Men are more realistic and are not scared to say/show when they dont want to be with you anymore. Women are to caught up in the "fairy tale" ending, so even when shit is bad they dont leave. All they can think about is how things "might be better if we just stick it out", which really is a waste of time. All women want is to walk down the isle with the white dress and raise a family. But if you are with a man for a couple of years and things are changing for the worse its only going to get worse, so get OUT. Im a woman so I know.

It's You! or Him

For your piece of mind choose one!

The old saying

Let him go and he'll come back if it was ment to be. You never realize what you had until it's gone.

Reverse

If you are thinking to yourself my boyfriend is ignoring me consider that it's likely because you are the one allowing it. You probably are grateful for any attention he gives you and that hasn't gone unnoticed by him. Men will take you for granted because you allow them to. If you want him to stop treating you this way you need to change the way you behave. One quick way to remedy the situation is to become unavailable to him. Don't answer each time he calls and make your own excuses for why you can't spend time with him. Make it clear through your actions that you have other choices. If you do this it won't take long for your boyfriend to notice the change in you and he should come around.

Get out

My boyfriend and I never talk unless I call him, and when we do talk he always seems like he wants to be doing something else. Sometimes he'll cut me off and say "Can I call you back?" but never calls me back and I have to call him. It makes me feel like I'm worthless, chasing after him the way I do. I've tried talking to him about it but he says he's busy with school and work and has no money to come and visit me (I'm an hour away from him now cause he stayed in community college). I tried giving him space and he kind of noticed but I did not last long until I was blowing up his phone again. It's gotten to the point now where all I do is just drown myself in alcohol to chase our distance away and it hurts so much. Now I'm talking to all kinds of different guys, all of them tools, and letting them use me just so I can feel loved for a few moments. My best advice is to tough it out and move on, and this is for ALL of you. Don't let yourselves fall into a depression like the one im in. It's not worth it.

Why you put up with this.

You keep crawling back because you want a guy that's unobtainable.

You don't bother dating the other guys because they're obtainable, and thus don't make your gina tingle.

Chances are, you didn't have a father in your life, or if you did, he wasn't around too often. Now you're in repeat mode trying to get daddy to stay around.

Get some therapy, you need it.

My suggestion

I'm facing the same situation wd my boyfrnd....
He ignores me a lot but i love him so much dat i just think of leaving him...
He used to treat me like a princess in the starting of our affair but now all of dat has disappeared...he never replies me if i send him any text...he talks to me for max. 10mins. in a day....
He has time to talk to his frnds & go on breaks in our office hours....but wen i ask him to go out wd me, he says dat he dont want anybody to knw abt our affair.... dis hurts me a lot thinking dat he is scared of our relationship....i sometimes feel like resigning from the office thinking dat it wl help me to forget him....all my frnds advises me to leave him but dnt knw wat is dat thing coz of which i feel miserable thinking the same.... I want to be wd him all forever....***One thing i have learnt dat but we dnt get everything in life dat we crave for....!
My suggestion for u is dat "if u have self-respect den leave him"....trust me it wl be painful for sometime but it wl alright after dat.......I M GONNA DO THE SAME........ALL THE BEST !!!!!!

Good

Best to be with someone who wants to be with you!

You definatly deserve better

You definatly deserve better and shouldn't waste any more time on him. I should know cause I had my fiance do the same thing to me, just left after 7 years. I picked myself up and am trying to find someone who will appreciate me.

Maybe your in love with the idea of him, but not which him in reality. Find someone else, give a new guy a chance, maybe once you let him in a little you will see his potential and find there is other men out there who care.

Have Fun!

He leads you on and ignores you because he wants attention. He wants you to give him attention and you do, and when he gets it thats enough for him so he ignores you til he wants it again. Obviously, the guy doesnt repect or care about you very much, so it's not worth it for you. So honestly just go out with your friends and have a good time. Try not to think about "boyfriends" for a while.

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