Size Isn’t Everything, Right...? Right...? RIGHT!?!?

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If you've got a small penis, you may be a redneck...I mean, an Indian. How do I know? The helpful dicks at the Indian Council of Medical Research, that's how:

A survey of more than 1,000 men in India has concluded that condoms made according to international sizes are too large for a majority of Indian men.

You know, if the ICMR wanted to curb population growth in the subcontinent, they could've just used genocide, death squads or forced sterilization. But effectively ending the sex life of billions of Indian men with a press release is just...well, cold.

Elsewhere, upon hearing the news, Asians everywhere laughed their effing heads off.