Want to be happy, ladies? Then shut the fuck up.

Wow, if I hadn't read this on the Internet, I would have sworn it was made up by...well, me. Instead, this conclusion was reached through research conducted by a chick of all people.

A researcher at the University of Missouri-Columbia has found that:

The study also found that, although excessive yapping was related to increased depression and anxiety in girls, boys did not develop greater depressive and anxiety symptoms over time.

This is particularly funny in light of the way most feminists and pop-psychologists over the last 30 years have advocated that men should “talk about their feelings.” In hindsight, I guess maybe it's not such a good idea to have two sexes that are depressed, neurotic nutbags.

The researcher wisely suggested that girls “should engage in other activities which can help them take their minds off their problems...” And I couldn't agree more.

Say, you know what would take a girl's mind off her problems pretty damn fast? Giving blowjobs. Because nothing will make her acne problem take a back seat faster than trying not choking to death.