According to Hollywood and the media, there’s somebody for everybody. One person who’s perfect for each of us. Who will complete us as human beings. And with whom we’ll live happily ever after. But is there?
No, no there isn’t. Seriously.
At Relationshit, we’ve long tried to explain to people that there is no “The One.” The whole idea of a “one true love” is – and we can’t stress this enough – fucking ridiculous. If you believe there is only one special person for you out there, then you either are horrible at math, watched too many fairy tale movies as a kid, or have never been on a single date with another person yet.
But it’s not your fault. There are lots of people making ungodly sums of money off the fiction – religions, the wedding industry, Hollywood, etc. – and they are very powerful and persuasive.
Yet in the following video, author, speaker and love-writer, Dan Savage, explains the reality behind The One True Love illusion for those of you who are still stupidly hanging onto The Dream:
People, when they’re young, have this idea… “There’s someone out there who’s perfect for me”… “The one.”
“The one” does not fucking exist.
“The one” is a lie. But the beautiful part of the lie is that it’s a lie you can tell yourself.
When you think about it, you meet somebody for the first time, and they’re not presenting their warts-and-all self to you – they’re presenting their idealized self to you, they’re leading with their best. And then, eventually, you’re farting in front of each other. Eventually, you get to see the person who is behind that facade of their best, and they get to see the person your facade, your lie-self – this lie that you presented to them about who you really are. And what’s beautiful about a long-term relationship, and what can be transformative about it, is that I pretend every day that my boyfriend is the lie that I met when I first met him. And he does that same favor to me – he pretends that I’m that better person than I actually am. Even though he knows I’m not. Even though I know he’s not. And we then are obligated to live up to the lies we told each other about who we are – we are then forced to be better people than we actually are, because it’s expected of us by each other.
And you can, in a long-term relationship, really make your lie-self come true – if you’re smart, and you demand it of them, and you’re willing to give it to them… That’s the only way you become “the one” – it’s because somebody is willing to pretend you are. “The one” that they were waiting for, “the one” they wanted, their “one.” Because you’re not – nobody is. No two people are perfect for each other, ever, period – No two people are 100% sexually compatible, no two people are 100% emotionally compatible, no two people want the same things. And if you can’t reconcile yourself to that, you will have no relationships that last longer than two months.
Good shit, that.