Why women dress like sluts (Spoiler: it's not the reason you're hoping).

Say you see some hot bitch and she's wearing a skirt so short you can see her belly button and showing more cleavage than a melting Alaskan glacier—naturally, you think, she must want sex, right? I mean, if she didn't want sex, you think, she'd be wearing comfortable clothes, right? Like jogging pants and “I'm A Lesbian” flats, instead of tight Spandex® and five-inch “Fuck Me Pumps,” right? Right? Yeah, sure, it makes sense. But you'd be wrong.

Because when it comes to what type of clothing women choose to wear (or how much), ‘attracting men’ doesn't even figure into the decision (prostitutes excepted, of course).

Women don't dress sexy for you.

Most guys think that women dress sexy to “get a guy.” But that's because most guys don't understand women any better than they understand Italian opera. As it turns out, there's really only one real reason women dress like sluts.

At a very base level, men traditionally want a woman to fuck, and women want a father who can provide for her future offspring—two decidedly different end goals, right? If women wanted to have sex 24/7, and men wanted nothing more than to father and raise children, human conflict would immediately cease.

Instead, men and women are at cross-purposes. Stuck having to trade favors with each other to get what they truly want. For example, men agree to marry a girl with the understanding that it will lead to regular sex (only to later learn that by “regular sex,” she meant infrequent and dispassionate sex). And women agree (at least in theory) to have sex to achieve their goal of bearing kids.

Why most hot women are cock-teases.

The difficult thing for most men to understand is the seemingly cruel way women go about trying to get what they want.

For example, a woman who dresses slutty when she doesn't actually want sex is guilty of “false advertising” or, more realistically, of being a “goddamn cock-tease.” Because her sexy attire is not only a gross misrepresentation of her intent, it causes an instinctive and involuntary physiological response in men, too. One that does more than gets his hopes up (if you know what we mean).

Women don't even have to have sex to make men believe that they like having sex. By dressing like a tramp, women can imply that they'll give men what they want (i.e., non-stop boot knockin’)—men don't have the same option.

Yeah, men can also imply that they're “capable of providing” what women want. But a woman don't respond physiologically to a man who tells her he has a prestigious job, a fancy home, exotic cars, or a black American Express card. In fact, men can't emotionally jerk around a woman...well, not until they're already dating anyway.

Women don't have to “hope” that a guy who owns an exotic sports car or has a fancy house is rich. Because he owns a fucking exotic sports car or a fancy house! She can be pretty certain he's probably not a fucking janitor.

Imagine if a man flaunted his wealth to get a woman to marry him, but then, over the years, he spent less and less money on her. Would women be okay with that?

Men, on the other hand, have no way of knowing if a woman will provide sex or not from the way she dresses. Yet men continue to make assumptions about it (incorrect assumptions, as it turns out). Because dressing sexy isn’t a means to get a man, friend. It’s a fuck-load more than that.

Not all women want sex, but all women want attention.

Like we've already said elsewhere, women aren't driven by sex the way men are. For too many women, the actual act of sex is superfluous, a “favor” they exchange to get the man they want (or to get knocked up when they're fertile—remember, always wear a condom!) But that's only part of the reason why women shop at Whores R’ Us. As usual, the Family Guy's Peter Griffin asks the obvious question:

So what does she want? Why is she “leaping around there, throwing those things all up in your, over there in your face?” Because...she was trying to get noticed. Yeah, we know...WTF? Weirdly, there's almost no correlation between dressing like a slut and actually being one (which helps explain why guys always think a girl “was asking for it”) The two aren’t linked together like you grew up believing—you can thank porn for that one.

For women, the whole point of being sexy is to be the center of attention. And not just because fills a childhood void left by their father's neglect (although it does that, too). No, being the most-noticed woman at a club or a party means that woman has the most power and stature.

Power is the only aphrodisiac that actually works.

When it comes down to it, women are craven, greedy little toads just like men. They want to have their needs matter to other people, regardless of gender. Needs like stature and influence. In short, they want to have things their way. And that requires having some kind of power. People—and that includes women—can get power in a variety of ways. They can get really good at something, like music or art. They can excel at business and make millions. Or they can scour the planet for the One Ring to rule them all.

But rather than getting it through personal achievement or business success, many women simply choose the easy way, by appealing to men's baser instincts—in effect, they cheat. They wear clothes that accentuate their bodies: Collars that dip lower than the 2008 Dow Jones Index, with skirts and heels higher than Snoop Dog after a ride on Willie Nelson's tour bus.

Why? Because, for women—regardless of the number of advanced degrees they have, or how many Nobel Peace Prizes they've won—attention is a kind of currency; currency they can use to get anything they want.

Attention gets women free drinks, but it also gives them the power to influence people and get their way in places other than bars, too.

For example, let's say there's a beautiful girl at the office. As the best looking woman, and therefore Alpha-Female, she can extract favors from the men who hope to sleep with her. Why do you think that incompetent GILF, Sarah Palin, was considered a viable U.S. Vice President candidate in 2008. Think it was her brains? Get serious. It was because she was the best-looking Republican female politician they could find. They figured a hottie would get the male vote, and that women would embrace one of their own. But, in addition to all the countless other mistakes they'd made over recent years, the RNC failed to realize that women would see a more attractive women as a threat.

We could have told them that whenever a pretty woman wearing little more than a smile enters a room, men aren't the only ones who notice. Sure, men will instantly check the woman out, but other women will look at her, too—though for very different reasons (guys want to fuck her, and women want to repeatedly stab her in the face).

Fully-clothed women see scantily dressed harlots as a direct threat to getting what they want: Attention.

Cleavage + Tight Jeans = ~Power

There are better, more effective sources of power in the world, but cleavage works pretty damn well. A nice set of honkers has the same appeal to men that a Mercedes does for women. Women display them prominently for the same reason men leave their car keys out on the bar—to flaunt it. Women with fake DD-cup boobs shove them right in the face of less well-endowed women. Less well-endowed women counter-punch by not wearing underwear. It's an arms race of exposed flesh, and men benefit most, but not without a lot of confusion.

Now, to be fair, men do the same kind of preening. Like when a man tools up to valet parking in a Ferrari Spyder, he's not doing it because he's going racing at Le Mans after dinner. He's driving that car to make other guys look like pathetic Honda Accord-driving losers. It's pure Darwinism...you know, except with cars.

Revealing clothes accomplish the same thing for women. Frederick's of Hollywood is a woman's ace in the hole. Because when all women in a room are of equal attractiveness, the sluttier dressed woman wins the battle for attention. After all, while men notice women pretty quickly in general, they notice women in 5-inch heels and a micro-miniskirt a helluva lot faster.

There's a moral in there somewhere.

So why do women dress like sluts?

In short, dressing sexy is inherently competitive and strictly a power play for chicks. It's to establish the hierarchy of attractiveness. To one-up other women. To put less attractive girls in their place. To be the best-looking girl in the room and make other women look and feel like ugly, asexual nuns by comparison.

Sure, whichever girl gets the most male attention gets her pick of the “fittest” (read: richest) men. And if being the most attractive women attracts the best men, that's a bonus. But girl's aren't out to attract the Alpha Male in the room, they're out to be the Alpha Bitch.

Dressing hot is about climbing to the top of a beauty-based status structure. A prettiness pecking order. Being out in public is like being in a beauty contest for women. Only the grand prize isn't flowers and a sash, it's ego-stroking mass attention and undeservedly high self-esteem.

That's why women spend all that time and money on make-up and fashion—to impress other women. (Seriously, did you think she was going to all that trouble just to attract you?). Just always remember, slutty clothes only give women the appearance of being open to sex in the same way that putting an air-scoop on the hood of your Geo Metro gives it the appearance of being fast—both of which are bullshit.