An incomplete history of human dating.

There was a time when men and women didn’t have to date.

Thirty thousand years ago in the Pleistocene, Cro-Magnon man needed only a big wooden club and a strong dragging arm to get laid (according to Saturday Morning cartoons anyway).

If Ancient Man had had to put up with the relationshit Modern Man currently does, the whole race would’ve been just a blip on the fossil record alongside the Dodo bird.

It’s not really a woman’s fault for being all fucked up about dating, however. It’s just something else to thank the French for (big surprise). Yes, because of some 12th Century French jag-off poets who invented “courtly” or romantic love, Society now requires a man to first take a woman out for dinner before trying to jump her bones and never speaking to her again.

The Art of Courtly Love Made popular by 12th century French pussies

Il est incroyable!

Actually loving the woman you were nailing was a novel approach in the Middle Ages, since most marriages were “arranged” by parents without ever considering feelings. The idea that a marriage could be based on love alone was once thought ridiculous.

Even today, some cultures still prefer the efficiency of “arranged marriages” to forcing their young people through the gauntlet of horrors that is Modern Dating (yet Americans often consider these cultures “primitive”).

Find girls to fuck who live near you.

Dating — the modern equivalent of the Spanish Inquisition — is an equally torturous, angst-ridden hell. Guys face rejection, public humiliation, and tenacious STDs. But more importantly, guys risk serious bank.

Dating a girl can burn through a helluva lot of cash before you realize she’s fucked up. You may have to take girls out a few times before their truly psychotic traits come out. (And don’t worry, they will, but hopefully by that point you’ve already nailed her.)

Many women still believe that once they “put out,” you somehow owe them. Maybe just dinner at a fancy restaurant. But more likely, it’ll be a guilt debt that you can only repay by listening to them prattle on ceaselessly — use this time to think up a good excuse for kicking her to the curb.

Tit-for-tat is just one of the many unwritten, but generally accepted, manipulative and passive-aggressive laws of modern dating. Clearly, “romantic love” is waaaaaaaay better than the old wooden club method.

Thanks a ton, Pierre.