What to do on a date to increase your odds.

Once you know where you’re going, there’s the problem of what to do on your date. How to act. How not to act. What to say. And what not to say. You’re under a microscope on a date, and you don’t want to blow it by doing something stupid.

Masturbate like a madman.

A good way to ensure that you don’t do that something stupid on your date is to remove some of the temptation. We suggest that you “toss one off” before your date (i.e. masturbate). Freed from the tyranny of sexual tension, you’ll be more able to clearly assess your date objectively, seeing her a human being and possible mate, instead of a receptacle within which to spew your demon seed.

Penthouse - Pets in Paradise Featuring Tera Patrick, Sunny Leone and Kyla Cole

If you go on a date fully-cocked, your raging hormones could make you do something against your better judgment (and maybe even against Nature, which most states have harsh laws against). Remember, a bad date is one that ends without sex. A really bad date is one that ends without bail.

Don’t pretend that you’re something you’re not.

A flaccid cock means you’re free to be your normal, non-horny self. Just don’t be a typical fuck-wad who thinks he needs to be something he’s not in order for women to like him. Don’t say shit you think she wants to hear because you're deceiving her for no damn good reason. Pretending to be something (or someone) you’re not only creates a relationship that isn’t honest. And any relationship you start that's built on lies will eventually fail when the truth comes out (see every Situation-Comedy ever made).

Lusty Latin Ladies Playboy - Featuring Maria Checa, Monica Mendez, Nina Camille, etc.

Give the girl an accurate picture of who you are and what you believe, even if you don’t think that picture is too pretty. Your quirks, oddities and insecurities — a/k/a, your real personality — will come out eventually in the relationship (usually, after a few beers). Ultimately, she may not like the real you, and it’s okay if she doesn’t. Not every woman will. But that’s okay, and it’s the chance you have to take to find the best woman for you. It’s no fun being married to someone who doesn’t really like you. Again, just ask your parents.