Do you two fight too much?

Yet, another way to know whether you’re kidding yourself is by looking at the amount of fighting you two do. Fighting is one of those gray areas. Some people think fighting is a sign of a healthy relationship, one in which both people can air out their differences constructively, rather than bottling them up. Others think fighting is a sign of an unhealthy relationship in which both people can air out their good China plate collection.

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How do you know whether you’re fighting more than a “healthy” amount? By asking yourself this simple question: Did the cops show up? They did? Then that’s too much fighting (unless you’re white trash, then it’s pretty average). Frankly, almost any fighting is too much fighting. Not that two people can’t live together and share a bathroom without wanting to kill each other once in awhile — that’s only human — but too many couples buy into the “fighting is healthy” idea. It isn’t. It’s just juvenile.

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You can’t have an adult relationship with someone if you relate to them like a child. You shouldn’t have to fight to “get your way” like a two year-old. Disagreeing is fine. Throwing plates at the wall occasionally, still fine. Pulling a Glock? Not fine. Yelling is just foreplay to hitting. From there, it’s just a small step to gunplay and appearing on the show “COPS” without your shirt.

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Conflicts happen in all relationships (when life conspires against you both, on all sides, all at once). It’s nothing unusual. But fighting should be the exception, not the rule. A last resort, not a first impulse. You have to like your partner and trust that they have your best interests at heart all the time, even when work is shitting on you, your parents are driving you nuts and the Feds are staking out your house. You can’t just like her when things are good (because they won’t always be, genius).

Therefore, hardship is the true test of love. If a bad streak of luck and misfortune doesn't make you want to stab her with a bread-knife, then you’ve got something worth hanging onto. If you actually seek comfort in each other’s arms during hard times, you might even be in love.

It all comes down to respect. If you don’t respect her now, you’re not suddenly going to respect her later. Why would you want to stay with a woman you think is an idiot? (And, for the record, “Big tits” is not a good answer.) If you find yourself trashing your woman to friends, family or random strangers in bars, or if the sight of her makes you want to puke, or if the mere sound of her voice makes you long for the release death will bring — do both yourselves a favor and dump her. It’ll just degenerate into hatred, name-calling and hysterical late-night 911 calls. Staying with a woman you don’t respect is wasting her time and, more importantly, yours.