12 specific kinds of women.

Dig deeper into the different types of women, and you can break down them down even more specifically. Within each core type of woman there are three subsets, each with their own individual quirks, charms and goddamn pains in the ass. Study the following cheat-sheet to find the upside and downside of each type.

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CAPRICORN

• UPSIDE: Sharp dressers. Smart. Practical. Domestically inclined.
• DOWNSIDE: Unemotional and distant. Domestically inclined.

PISCES

• UPSIDE: Easy-going and easy sexually. Fun loving, indiscriminate whores.
• DOWNSIDE: Unconventional. Unreliable. Possibly crazy.

VIRGO

• UPSIDE: Loyal, compassionate and understanding. Often have big tits.
• DOWNSIDE: Emotional range from anal-retentive/controlling to hyper-sensitive.

AQUARIUS

• UPSIDE: Fun-loving, social and likes to be center of attention.
• DOWNSIDE: Total drama queens, control freaks and generally arrogant when you get to know them.

ARIES

• UPSIDE: Intense, sexual and passionate. Decidedly not boring.
• DOWNSIDE: Volatile and demanding. Extremely difficult to handle. Prone to stabbing.

TAURUS

• UPSIDE: Direct. Upfront. Smart. Tenacious.
• DOWNSIDE: Extremely picky. Persistent to the point of being annoying. Dogged. (Let it go already, bitch!)

GEMINI

• UPSIDE: Smart and fun. These girls like a good-time and laugh at everything.
• DOWNSIDE: They frequently laugh at you (often behind your back). Two-faced as a chick can be. Appears schizo.

CANCER

• UPSIDE: Smart, caring girls that are generally levelheaded and logical.
• DOWNSIDE: It doesn’t last. Moody as hell. If they didn’t invent PMS, then they’ve got a lifetime subscription. Spontaneous criers who, oddly, like to party.

LEO

• UPSIDE: Total attention whores, even more than Aquarius. Craves the limelight and will do outrageous things to get it. (Think sex in public.)
• DOWNSIDE: They will do anything to be in the spotlight. You better be okay with that, because otherwise she’s gonna dump you.

LIBRA

• UPSIDE: Mostly easy going. Likes confident guys who make up for their massive insecurities.
• DOWNSIDE: Likes the good life. Expensive, indecisive and passive/aggressive.

SCORPIO

• UPSIDE: Love sex. Intense. Passionate. Loyal.
• DOWNSIDE: Serious hotheads who are quick to bite your head off if you piss them off. Watch your back.

SAGITTARIUS

• UPSIDE: Surprisingly lacking in morals. Loves freedom and put out easily. Their enthusiasm is infectious. And they like to travel.
• DOWNSIDE: Extremely energetic, flighty and talkative. They run through life a mile a minute. If you like a calm, reserved, quiet lady, look elsewhere.