What you should look for in a date.

Locking up the right woman could be the most important decision of your life. More important than which college to drop out of, which dead-end career path to take, or where to buy your first double-wide mobile home. To be honest, no other life-decision has the ability to come back and bite you on the ass harder, longer, or cost you more money and grief.

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Since picking the wrong mate will torture you long after that money-pit you call a house has been condemned for infestation, the decision bears some serious thought. In fact, it’s fucking critical to do your research upfront so you don’t get duped into marrying the first girl who gives it up to you.

Exactly how, then, do you choose the woman to spend your life with? The same way you’d choose any computer, stereo equipment or new car — you look and see what’s out there, check them out under the hood, consider their long-term cost of ownership, take a few of the better models out for a test drive and finally get financing and set up a payment plan. The only difference between buying a car and getting married is that the car can’t leave you and take half your shit.

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Make no mistake, you are shopping and you should treat the situation that way — objectively compare features, benefits, pros and cons. Just remember, that when someone else (the girl) has what you want (the vagina), it’s a seller’s market. And quality women — assuming you can even find one — don’t come cheap (pun intended).

But that doesn't mean you should panic and jump at the first girl who likes you. Wait until you meet a fucking great one, because the return policy on women sucks (the restocking fee alone is a bitch).

Before you can determine what you want in a woman, you have to be honest with yourself, about yourself. Who is the real you? What are your real wants in a woman? Think about why you think you want, or don’t want, certain traits.

Do you want them because TV says you should? Or your parents? Or those voices in your head? Traits that other people tell you to want in a woman aren’t always the ones you really want.

Seriously think about what you want from a woman (and be realistic — give up that ‘daily blowjob’ fantasy right now). Despite the many different types of females on this planet, Society and the Media encourage guys go after the same basic type of woman (although the type changes over time, see Peter Paul Rubens). One who embodies the same unrealistic “ideal” — a Malibu Barbie look-alike who cooks like Rachel Ray and screws like Paris Hilton.

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These dream-bitches just don’t exist; and it’s just as unreasonable to expect to find one of these women as it is to expect a woman to be one. Don’t believe all that Hollywood/Centerfold/Model fantasy bullshit — women aren’t really like that. C’mon, do you seriously expect a woman to be some caricature of an ideal woman? Do you even really want that? Hey, maybe you do (prostitutes and strippers need love, too).

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The kind of woman Society thinks you should have is “the girl next door” because no man could ever be happy with a slut, right? Fuck what other people want you to want. Society doesn't know you. They don’t know what you want inside your perverted little mind. Only you do. So don’t let their expectations make you go after girls that won't make you happy. Use your own criteria. You’ll be happier (and you won’t have to work as hard, either, because there’s less competition for girls who don’t live “next door”). Remember, Society’s batting average with relationships is a shitty 0.600 among American adults, so when it comes to choosing a mate, don’t take Society’s word for shit.

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Instead, look at the relationships you already have with women that are working. Consider how you get along with your female friends, and decide which of their traits you like and which ones you don’t. We’re not talking physical qualities like height, hair color or cup-size. We’re talking the less tangible stuff like her temperament, intelligence, attitude, etc.

You have to find the ideal woman for you, not for anyone else. In effect, you're trying to “Frankenstein” the perfect combination of traits together to create the right mate blueprint.

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To do that, you need to prioritize traits according to your own tastes. Make a list of qualities you like in women and what qualities you don’t. Here’s an example list:

• 1.) Female.
• 2.) Above the age of consent.
• 3.) Breathing & conscious.

With this list, you should have no problem finding a woman who qualifies. But finding a compatible long-term mate takes a longer, more detailed list. So wrack your brain to come up with traits you love and ones you hate. As you compile the list, don’t forget to consider the dual nature of all personality traits.

The same trait can be positive or negative depending on how you look at it. Do you like a passionate woman who will yell at you all the time? Or do you like a woman who’s always agreeable, but boring? Want a girl who’s affectionate or distant? Emotional or reserved? Dominant or submissive? Serious or fun-loving? Shy or outgoing? Spontaneous or methodical? Blunt or delicate? Confident or timid? Liberal or conservative? Practical or frivolous? Needy or self-reliant? Orderly or haphazard?

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See where this is going? Traits, like all things in life, are neither strictly good or strictly bad. For every good aspect of a trait, there is an equal and opposite bad aspect. Every trait has its dark side, so you gotta shop around. Really decide what you want, and more important, what you can put up with over the years. Consider these, for instance:

• POSITIVE: She’s passionate.
• NEGATIVE: Will scream at you (until the cops arrive).
• POSITIVE: She’s classy.
• NEGATIVE: Won’t give you head without getting jewelry first.
• POSITIVE: She’s smart.
• NEGATIVE: Knows she can do better (and is looking).
• POSITIVE: She’s ambitious.
• NEGATIVE: How do you think she keeps getting promoted?
• POSITIVE: Likes hot sex.
• NEGATIVE: Likes hot sex with other guys, too.
• POSITIVE: She’s neat & tidy.
• NEGATIVE: Will go ape-shit if you aren’t.
• POSITIVE: She parties.
• NEGATIVE: Will eventually wreck your car and/or need bail money.
• POSITIVE: She’s spontaneous.
• NEGATIVE: Won’t be there when you get home one day.

Using your list, you can suss out girls you meet with relevant questions and realistically gauge her personality. That way, you’ll find out if she has long-term potential before you marry her rather than after when you’re the prime murder suspect.