You had it all wrong.

Generally, if getting dumped takes you by surprise, it’s because you were looking at the relationship through “rose-colored glasses.” Or beer-goggles. Or night-vision binoculars. One of the three. In any case, you weren’t seeing the situation accurately.

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To the couple actually involved in a relationship, events aren’t always quite what they seem. For example, casual hand-to-knee contact can be mistaken for a display of affection. From a distance, squinting into the sun can be mistaken for a loving smile. And screaming after her hair gets caught in the bed-frame during sex can be mistaken for an earth-shattering orgasm. It happens all the time because, generally, people are optimists. They sometimes misread others’ actions or intents and read into them what they want to see, even if it’s not really there.

Similarly, “continued dating” can be mistaken for being in love. But, as you found out, you two weren’t in love, and that’s a bummer. Really, we feel your pain (just rub your nut-sack gently until the nausea goes away). It probably felt as if you were in love, but you weren’t. How do you know you weren’t in love? Because, like the Tango, Love takes two. You might have been in love with her, but the two of you weren’t in love. It’s a pretty easy mistake to make, really. Hell, who doesn’t want to think that a girl they like, likes them back?

You may have also thought that since you’re happy, she must be happy, too. Of course, as a guy, you’re failing to take into account the fact that you’re essentially an idiot when it comes to emotions. Outside the world of facts and reason, men are out of their league. In the nebulous world of emotion, women reign supreme. Not because women are any better with emotions, they’re just more experienced with them. Emotions, for most women, aren’t the shock and surprise they are for guys. Women are more used to the non-linear, arbitrary effects of emotion, and they know how to deal with them.

But for guys, emotions are just confusing, chemical bodily responses to external stimuli. And that’s why, if you’re ever going to stand a chance at understanding the whole “relationship thing,” we need to go back to the basics.