Appearances matter - a little.

Overhauling your body and mind could easily take years. But, if you’re a typical, lazy bastard looking for a quick fix to your many and varied dating difficulties, consider these short cuts to self-actualization.

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The Metrosexual Guide to Style:

A Handbook for the Modern Man.

While not critical to getting laid, how you dress still communicates a lot about you and your future potential as a mate. So take it somewhat seriously.

Like we said before about shoes – women notice them. And they notice haircuts, too. Who the fuck knows why? They just do.

Don’t feel the need to go full-on metrosexual, though. Sure, the “gay look” is something a lot of women generally like, it’s just counter-productive to nailing chicks because you look, well… gay.


Here’s a few starter tips to use when getting dressed:

Dress like the guy you think your type of girl would be attracted to. It doesn’t take much to figure it out, after all, she’s already successfully dressing like a girl she thinks guys like you would be attracted to.

You just do some reverse-engineering. If you’re going after the creative, anti-establishment chick, dress in black t-shirts, Birkenstocks, or anything made from hemp. If you’re going after gold-digging bimbos, dress like a lawyer. Or a doctor. Or a stock broker. Expensive suits, shoes, watches and cars. Chicks who know know, so speak their language and let your appearance do the talking.

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I Don’t Know What I Want, But I Know It’s Not This:

A Step-by-Step Guide to Finding Gratifying Work


Once that you look the part, focus on what most women are really interested in – your “earning potential.” Like it or not, women judge men by their occupation and/or income. So it helps to have a fascinating, exciting and well-paying occupation like, say, Columbian drug-lord. Realistically, the only reason to have a boring job is that it pays ridiculously well. Women will listen to stories about the widget-making business for hours as long as you’re buying top-shelf drinks.

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Do What You Are:

Discover the Perfect Career for You Through the Secrets of Personality Types

We’re not suggesting you lie and tell women that you’re a Gynecologist or a Venture Capitalist when you aren’t. Instead, just dodge the whole issue by being mysterious, or vague. Whatever you do, don’t inflict boring work stories on girls you want to sleep with. Nothing drives them away like assembly-line jokes, no matter how well they went over in the break room.

If you have a sucky job, consider taking college or night classes to advance your career. (It’s never too late to learn how to read, right?) However, if you want to guarantee tons of pussy for the rest of your days, become a fucking chef.

Seriously, if we had known about this brilliant scam; we’d have made the career change immediately. Women like food like men like sex. Essentially, as a chef, you’re a food pimp.

You provide women with the one thing they love best in the world, the thing they will do anything to get: Food. And not just food. Fancy food. We’re talking about cuisine.

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Becoming a Chef:

The book Julia Child called AC/a,!A”a ‘must’ for aspiring chefs

Being a professional chef has the same cache to a woman that being a centerfold model has to men. Chefs are irresistible to women. ALL women. And that includes hot women. Doctors and lawyers have to be really smart. Yet, anyone with half a brain can be a chef. Cooking is the greatest scam ever discovered because you don’t have to be a genius to do it.

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Complete Idiot’s Guide to Making Money with Your Hobby

Could your hobby earn you money?


As we said previously, another way to make yourself more appealing to women is by having a cool hobby or two. Something you do that a girl might find fascinating or impressive.

Not only are hobbies a great way to distract you from your shitty job and pain-filled daily existence, they can put you in situations to meet members of the opposite sex with similar interests. So pursue interests other than your miserable job, TV sitcoms and/or public intoxication.

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How to Write Songs on Guitar:

A Guitar-Playing and Songwriting Course.

How do you find a hobby that will attract women? You don’t. You find a hobby that will potentially make you rich. Or famous. And that will attract women.

First, figure out what’s meaningful to you; something that makes you happy. Think back to when you were a kid (before your hopes and dreams were shattered by the mind-numbing drudgery of full-time employment). What did you do for fun before the responsibility of paying rent and bills crushed your will to live? Photography? Music? Art? Whatever. Get back into it. Now’s the time. Carpe fucking diem, Skippy.

Whatever you choose, stick with it. You may only meet loser chicks at first, but hang out with them anyway. Loser chicks often have hot girlfriends you can sleep with. Remember, dating is all about opportunities.

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1,000 Places to See Before You Die

Packed with recommendations of the world’s best places to visit.


In lieu of a hobby to make you more interesting, you could always travel. Hey, it’s a big world out there, but don’t take our word for it. Get out and fucking see some of it.

There are places out there where people won’t stare at you like you’re from another planet just because you pierced your genitalia and tattooed “Satan rules!” on your forehead (places like San Francisco).


Travel broadens your mind, introducing you to different ways of thinking and different approaches to living. Travel gives you “in’s” into conversations from which you’d otherwise be left out.

Spending too much time in your own backyard leads to narrow-minded world-views and really uninteresting tales of gardening or stump removal. Inexperience is dull, and no woman wants to listen to your boring stories about doing boring things in boring places.

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Don’t Let The World Pass You By

52 Reasons to Have a Passport.

Besides, getting a flight out of town gives you a break from your everyday grind; a chance to relax and regroup. It’s also a chance to meet quality women – after all, not just any chick can scrounge up the dinero to hop a flight to Rome. So right there, you know she’s not a total loser. (And, for the same reason, she knows you aren’t either.)

Plus, airlines often sit single people next to one another – ask the ticket agent nicely and she might sit you next to a hottie (but be sure to specify which sex you’re interested in). Layovers are boring for everyone, even hot women. Go ahead and strike up conversations with strangers – hey, they’re not going anywhere for awhile, and if they blow you off, it’s not as though you ever have to see them again, right?

Obviously, you don’t have to fly to get out of town. Buses and trains will take you lots of interesting places for lots less money. Can’t even afford bus fare? Or just don’t want to run the risk of sitting next to someone with no teeth? Then there’s nothing like a road trip to help clear the cobwebs out of your addled little brain. (Sucker a friend into going along and get him to pay for half the gas.)

Regardless of where you go, or how long you’re gone, you’ll get a new outlook on life (or maybe just The Clap, you never really know). Either way, you get a new story to tell: The story of the time you caught The Clap.

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if you want to guarantee tons of pussy for the rest of your days, become a fucking chef.
Fuck me for being a vegan ahahaha

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