Hopeless, rude boyfriend I keep falling for-and hate myself for it!

I decided to post here because I’ve been going through quite a hard time and I feel somewhat comfortable posting here for general advice.

Love effing sucks. Bitch Boards Bitch About Guys Hopeless, rude boyfriend I keep falling for-and hate myself for it!

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    • #2567 Reply
      rushme1992
      Participant

      I decided to post here because I’ve been going through quite a hard time and I feel somewhat comfortable posting here for general advice. I guess you could say I’m doing this out if impulsiveness, but anyway.

      My boyfriend & I have been together for about 3 years. It’s was great at the beginning, but after a year it became extremely tough. I would like to add that the first time we met, I did find him hot but no feelings developed, please! He developed those feeling right at that moment and fell in love. he showed so much love to me that I almost felt obliged to give it back to him and thats what I did…..I consider that to be the biggest mistake…but I have forgiven myself for that as I was only 16 then.
      Later, he started becoming incredibly mean, disrespectful and overall cruel – which completely blew up 10x when he became angry. we are in a long distance relationship since 2 years and even if he would come for a week to meet, I dont how we end up fighting each day and I curse myself for being with him. All of this eventually led into physical abuse. He would throw chairs around and drag me out of cars and scream at me if I said anything – one time I just said Hey, don’t worry, just calm down and things will be okay no matter what happens.. and he flipped out. I was very young when all of this started, about 17, and I suppose felt pretty attached to him, so for some reason I stayed thinking things could work out. I really really love his personality and he is this fun loving loving who I can really be MYSELF with…thats a bliss I keep looking for being a Gemini it is very tough to be your real self with anyone—even yourself. He would have sudden bursts of kindness, and he became sweet and caring to me for months – but once he got angry, it would be weeks of just constant abuse, and then complained about falling into the loop of wanting to be with me again. When I had had enough, even I started to abuse him back, throw things around–what could i do? i was frustrated with myself and with him. He sees getting over things and apologizing as negative and having my way, so he stays angry on purpose a lot of the time and threatens to break up. I fought for it at first, but then gradually, as he kept switching back and forth from loving me to hating me – just told him it hurts too much to deal with it and breaking up would be best. He gets all tense and says he needs space, and comes back a few days later saying he’s sorry.

      There are times, though, when he’s completely serious and screams about how he wants nothing to do with me and to get the fuck away from him, etc. For some bizarre reason, that I can’t seem to grasp or comprehend, I always want to stay. I have been told by friends to stay away, I took their advice but it didnt seem to give me peace.I always want to fight for it – it just doesn’t click. Even if I gather the strength to walk away and tell him okay, I just get upset and depressed and I try so hard to make things work out, next few days he would call me and apologise to me and I would go against my decision and melt to get back with him–I think I rally do love him..but I deserve better. Just all this anxiety hits and I just want to latch on. He makes me absolutely miserable and incredibly happy at the same time, and for some reason all I think about is just wanting things to be great again. I’m like completely insane. When he says hateful things to me now, it’s like they just bounce off. Some things really affect me, but otherwise I’ve just gotten used to it.

      I just don’t know what’s wrong with me. I give him space when he wants it and if he wanted to break up of course I’d let him – but it’s just so hard for me psychologically and for two years I’ve always tried convincing him otherwise. We’re fine for months, and then every time we get into a small argument he says he’s had it and wants to break up and that he hates me (completely disregarding the fact 24 hours earlier he said he loved me and wanted to be with me), says how much he hates me and can’t stand me, but then if we’re okay (not fighting) for 10 MINUTES, 10 minutes – he goes back to normal and all of a sudden loves me. It’s all very confusing and hurtful, but I just stick with it and I have absolutely no idea why.

      I’ve looked up hundreds of sites on abuse and why women stay in these sorts of situations, but usually it’s because they’re afraid their husbands/boyfriends will stalk them or they have children, etc. I don’t have any kids, and I’m not scared of that at all – the things he says.. that I’m worthless and he just wants to throw me away and have wants nothing to do with me anymore – it’s just awful, and it just doesn’t make sense why the hell I’m so dead set and brainwashed into wanting to be with him.

      I know once I get a guy to feel better about it would be easier for me. but the problem is that the place I am studying from is very very sad….sad and strict hostel timings, boring place with duds around…no way out.

      At the same time I love him, and I’m scared of losing him – but I don’t remember ever becoming so weak and pathetic. I guess I’m just lost it right now and I need some advice. Sorry, I know I sound like an idiot – but eh. Thank you all in advance for any advice and for reading it–it was huge 🙂 I guess I’m just upset and really awkward right now.

    • #5255 Reply
      Anonymous
      Guest

      I highly recommend you read the book “Women who Love too Much”. You can find it in the self-help section at Barnes and Noble. It will help you, I swear.

    • #5256 Reply
      Anonymous
      Guest

      I highly recommend you read the book “Women who Love Too Much”. It will help you to recognize why you allow yourself to continue in this terrible relationship and help you to change and move on. But you have to truly want to. There are better men out there and a better you. Trust me.

    • #5258 Reply
      Anonymous
      Guest

      They make us feel weak and pathetic. But why should you allow it? you are invaluable! I have been in your shoes. I dated a guy just like that for 4 years, from 18-22 years old. Boy do I regret throwing away all those wonderful years when I could have met someone great! Guys like ours have anger issues; they throw tantrums, name calling, break our things, and hit us (smacking, hitting head against the wall, etc). They have no self-control and probably have a mental issue. Abuse causes emotional and mental harm, it destroys self esteem. I know my ex’s anger stemmed from his family and upbringing…and I put up with it because I thought it was love. I think I had confused it with the love you have for a sibling. I thought I could show him real love (pleaassee, it aint my job to fix him). You should pay attention to how he treats his family members because if you end up staying with him then just know that’s how he will treat you. Forever. Until the day you die. It will never get better. It will possibly turn into much worse abuse. Do you want to throw your life away over some faggot with a dick? Ehh I’ll pass…
      Back again, I remember when we officially broke up…I couldn’t eat, I cried all the time, and sometimes I would find myself gasping for air. It hurts and it sucks. I think its separation anxiety. But the truth is I moved on after a couple months. I had great friends who supported me and helped me to stay strong. Who needs an asshole anyways? Who needs to hear that they are worthless and garbage? Who wants to feel like there is something wrong with them, esp when there isn’t? This is why high school educators should teach teenagers in detail about the red flags for abusive relationships. We are young and don’t no any better…call it puppy love. It is time to grow up and open your eyes and see how BIG the world is! Full of opportunities and so many great people you can meet. I would rather be Dr. Phil than to be one of his future guests. We decide the life we want to lead…we have the power to make the decisions that make us happy.
      Anywhoo, it took time getting used to being single. But then I suddenly embraced it. Single life with no headaches and someone messing with my head n heart. I finally got to reclaim my life. My life was mine! I found my passions and started hobbies. I had never known how creative I could be. I concentrated on me and fell in love with how wonderful I am…and I guess it was obvious to others because I started getting hit on like crazy but I turned everyone down because that bitch ex of mine made me hate relationships. How could I finally find peace in my life and let some asshole come in again and throw me off balance? No way…but I finally did get into another relationship and he was never abusive or called me any names. I am sure it was because he was older and mature, however this time he had a weed problem. oh well. No abusive language or behavior.
      My point is that you will eventually move on and love again and be loved — Again. I am 10000000% certain. Yeah some dirt balls might try to take you out but you cant blame them for not being attracted to you. No matter how many semi-jerks I talked to after my ex, I never ever missed him because of how much happier I was overall. I can look back and say “yes it was hard and i hated the process of removing him out of my life — but it was the BEST decision i made.” Trust me. If I could go back in time then I would never date him. Fuck that. Fuck the depression and feeling unworthy. I will never allow a man to make me feel that way again. I am a beautiful feminine creature with a whole lot of love to give…and I will give it to someone who deserves it, someone who will love me the same way, someone who will build me UP and not tear me DOWN.
      I remember learning in psychology class that when your going through stress and serotonin levels in your brain are low — you feel the depression. and that depression can resemble obsessive compulsive disorder, which is why we become obsessed with thoughts of the person and old memories. Its not love that we are feeling when we begin to miss the “abusive asshole” — it is just chemical imbalances in the brain from how much they fucked us up. But over time it will balance (also, there are herbal therapies or conventional therapies from doctors aka antidepressants that help in the beginning and then you stop when your over it).
      I hope I am making sense. I just hate that women have to deal and put up with this kind of treatment. I hope you do find the courage and leave him. Plus you said its long distance, so you should be used to not seeing him for periods of time. Change your phone number or just ignore him. He will leave you horrible messages and threats but dont even read/listen to them. He will try to win superiority by putting you down and even saying the famous line “No one will ever love you like I do” and you might actually BELIEVE it — do not! someone will love you even better…and hey if no one will love you better than he does, then why would u want love? cause his love sucks! Id rather be alone with a dog. After i broke up with my ex, I remember reading a couple degrading text messages and then I began to close my eyes and delete them. I dont need to read what an immature sack of shit guy had to say. I could care less what he thinks. As for voicemail messages, I quickly pressed “7” so I wouldnt hear anything. He can talk to himself because this girl had ENOUGH of his shit! Fuck him and his bullshit hot-n-cold love. Love is gentle, fair, and stable – darn it. Your guy doesn’t even know what love is…and my friend, you, will never know what love truly is either if you continue to deceive yourself and stay with him. Just remember that if you do get married to him then dont ever buy life insurance haha i watch crime investigation episodes.
      Honestly, i began concentrating on my future. and as much as you dont like this idea but focus on SCHOOL. Educate and motivate yourself — build on your career and get out of the boring place you live. Meet new people and evolve into a woman. Girl, the world is a much bigger place than your city. You do not want to live the life you will have with him. Whatever you are dreaming n fantasizing on how it would be with him is all an illusion. Everything you need to know is staring you in your face. Otherwise you wouldn’t be dreaming of it because he would already be that way. I guarantee you that if you do leave him and focus on school and save up money — you will look back just like me and say “thank God” and i bet you will help other young girls that are going through the same mental, emotional, and physical pain that you are experiencing. It is not worth it. Been there, done that, and over it.

    • #5308 Reply
      rushme1992
      Participant

      thanks for sparing so much time for me and posting that…..your advise was invaluble….xoxo!!
      you are absolutely right….and i just wanted some1 like you to simply put it down in words n tell me that..
      and i would also read the book..:)

    • #5362 Reply
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Women are stupid…

      The End

    • #5372 Reply
      Anonymous
      Guest

      The person who read this entire page and felt the “need” to post “Women are Stupid” is actually the stupid human being — get a life, grow up, and be productive please. This site is for people who are hurt and your insulting and belittling comments are unnecessary. We do not care what you have to say, unless it is actually helpful. Thank you. and have enough balls to identify yourself at least. Sheesh!

    • #5495 Reply
      Anonymous
      Guest

      I am currently in the same situation but i cant let go as much as I want to right now. Its very hard for me because I dont ever want to see any other girl with my man and it sucks. Ive been with him for about 2 years now and its tougher than ever and i am so stressed with him and when we argue i get so emotional . However, when him and i are fine i love how he is and i am very hapy. I always am wondering if he ever cheated on me but i know that he stays in the house all the time but he can be lying to me. Despite all of this, I love him very much and I cant see myself with anyone but him, but i hate how i feel when stuff goes on between us. I wish it was easy for me to let go. You girls are worth it and much more guys are just pathetic and are actually the stupid ones .

    • #5535 Reply
      Anonymous
      Guest

      I need a advice, my boy friend is pretending to love me which I knw very well that he is just pretending to me. we have been in love for 3 years now, and he will never allow me to go to his house niether introduced me to his friends. When ever he notice I want to withdraw from the relationship he will come very close again and behave as if he truly loves me cos he knw vwry well that I love him. as am writing this now am so so much stressed up. I need advice.

      • #5559 Reply
        Anonymous
        Guest

        If your young then he’s very immature. If you are in your mid 20’s and up (and you haven’t met his family and been introduced in his world, then it is time for you to stop the mental and emotional rollercoaster (aka psychological abuse/hurt, which eats away your self-respect and confidence). You don’t even know who he really is…you know the person he is when he is with you. Do you both share the same ethnicity/race/culture? I say move on because you are really missing out on a real relationship missy. You deserve it and if its not something your parents had then do some research on healthy relationships. Best of luck girl – you can do it!

    • #5536 Reply
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Let me start off by saying the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expecting a different result. and I also have to agree with what the person said when they said women are stupid. After I read most of the posts it is obvious.Women are very powerful creatures and can control her man with a light touch. In saying this most women are a slave to their emotions and men control our emotions giving them absolute power. I am no different I love my man more than anything and I would do anything for him. We fight sometimes but he makes me so happy just seeing his face brightens my day and I see it all the time. The point that im trying to get out is that when your in love you are crazy but at the same time that doesn’t matter you should never let an abusive man control you. Once a hint of abuse starts you need to check it not just brush it off and say it was one time because its not ever going to be one time.

    • #5617 Reply
      Anonymous
      Guest

      I am in a similar situation. According to him, I am too nitpicky. I want things to be great again, but it has taken a long time for me to realize that it may not be worth it.

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