Are older women better than young ones? Here’s how to find out.

It’s a debate that’s as old as time itself: Who’s better? Young and nubile, but mindless girls, or mature and wrinkly, but sex-craved women? While they both have a lot going for them — and just as much going against them — there can only be one correct answer in the end (just ask The Highlander).

By most measures, women don’t improve with age (unlike men who get “more distinguished,” whatever that means). Past the age of 26, females start declining physically, and fast (especially, if they pumped out breast-destroying children).

But by the age women start losing their looks, they start losing other things, too. Like their delusions about love. And their unrealistic expectations of men. Yeah, around 33, women stop looking for Prince Charming and settle for Prince Employed. They stop expecting men to act like the lead in a Rom-Com and settle for the lead’s best friend who’s bald but at least won’t give them an STD.

By their early 30s, most women have had reality punch them in the face a few times and finally become — for lack of a better word — normal. They stop living in their Hollywood-induced dreamworld and start living in the real one where the rest of us do. Young women finally realize that life is short and there are only so many Brad Pitts to go around. Overall, older women bring a lot more to the table than 20-somethings: They’re more emotionally mature, they don’t play mind-games, and they know what they want sexually.

Yet while older men can nail young girls with social impunity, Society still frowns on older women going after younger guys.

Worse, many young girls — who can get any man they want — seem upset by having Cougar competition. In Australia, they’re somehow “offended” by this TV commercial, featuring MILF porn-star, Julia Ann. (FULL DISCLOSURE: is an advertiser on this site.)

Are older women better than younger ones? Two words: Stifler’s. Mom.

The country’s Advertising Standards Board banned the ad due to its excessive violence — Julia pushes younger girls out of the scene rather rudely for lame, comedic effect — but Aussie girls were more offended by the commercial’s underlying message.

One insightful Australian bitch complained:

I found the ad very offensive, as it depicts an older woman inferring that the men in the ad would be better ‘taken care of’ by her, rather than the younger women. It seemed to suggest that she would be a better ‘mate’ for the men in the ad than the younger women.

Actually, the spot doesn’t “infer” anything, it implies something: That young women are high-maintenance, judgmental and entitled bitches. The commercial then goes on to further imply that older women know what they want (hint: it’s sex) and aren’t a bunch of pretentious, money-sucking leeches. And finally, that most men would prefer that — which many would.

If the idea of an older woman being a better mate than a younger one is so damn offensive, why isn’t there a support group? Or a telethon? Or lobbying group? There aren’t any. And there never will be.

Here’s a thought: Stop being so fucking petty and competitive — let your Mom’s divorced female friends win for once.

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